I had a miserable day. I am still having a miserable day as I am dealing with the remains of a migraine I got while attempting to do class. Normally when I have tried to get migrains during class I can work through them, but not tonight and I actually had to cut my 60 minute class short. I felt horrible doing it, but I figured up-chucking my lunch in front of the members wasn't going to do anything for my numbers.
So I came home and the DH was making dinner, and not only made dinner, but cleaned the kitchen all while I tried to nap my way out of this headache (is it really a nap at 7:00 at night?). And that was probably the best part of the day.
Work was just crappy today. I love my job. I really do. The problem is, is that I am so inexperienced at my job and my work life that sometimes is just makes things really difficult. If there is one thing I don't deal real well with is looking stupid infront of other people. And I feel like I have done a lot of that lately. People at work are very understanding and willing to work with me, and that helps, but I hate not being able to be confident in what I do. And I have felt that way since I left my last job over a year ago. I know it takes time, but I am your typical impatient girl.
Tomorrow is another day. And I am golfing tomorrow. So that will either be really good, or really bad. Lets hope for really good.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
Introspection
I think thats a word anyway....
I have thought a couple times about the direction I want to take this blog. I don't know that my life is interesting enough to do just sort of a "this is what I am doing now" blog (perhaps that will change after children enter the picture) so that brings me to writing about some sort of journey, but again, what journey do I feel the need to write about?
Some of my favorite blogs are about people and weight loss. Problem is, while I have lost some weight and I struggle everyday with keeping it off, I don't know I have a driving desire to rountinely publish my thoughts about food and exercise (though I do occasionaly enjoy a rant about the gym).
I do spend a lot of time looking at my life "from above". Who am I, and what brings me to act the way I do, and feel the way I do about things? Again, is any of this really worth publishing in a format able to read by anyone? (most of whom probably don't care?)I don't really know. Sometimes I fight such an empty feeling and I don't know what it is that causes it. Sometimes I think its a lack of girlfriends here, and some times I think not. I just know that I have filled my life FULL of activities and yet....
But perhaps these are thoughts and feelings better left for not so public places. So for something a bit lighter...I am currently struggling with how much longer I am going to continue my position at the gym. School is starting soon and I know I am going to need the time after work, but it seems like every class I have someone who lets me know how much they enjoy my class and the way I teach. Its so nice to feel loved. Too many activities Fallon, too many activities. More on this later.
I have thought a couple times about the direction I want to take this blog. I don't know that my life is interesting enough to do just sort of a "this is what I am doing now" blog (perhaps that will change after children enter the picture) so that brings me to writing about some sort of journey, but again, what journey do I feel the need to write about?
Some of my favorite blogs are about people and weight loss. Problem is, while I have lost some weight and I struggle everyday with keeping it off, I don't know I have a driving desire to rountinely publish my thoughts about food and exercise (though I do occasionaly enjoy a rant about the gym).
I do spend a lot of time looking at my life "from above". Who am I, and what brings me to act the way I do, and feel the way I do about things? Again, is any of this really worth publishing in a format able to read by anyone? (most of whom probably don't care?)I don't really know. Sometimes I fight such an empty feeling and I don't know what it is that causes it. Sometimes I think its a lack of girlfriends here, and some times I think not. I just know that I have filled my life FULL of activities and yet....
But perhaps these are thoughts and feelings better left for not so public places. So for something a bit lighter...I am currently struggling with how much longer I am going to continue my position at the gym. School is starting soon and I know I am going to need the time after work, but it seems like every class I have someone who lets me know how much they enjoy my class and the way I teach. Its so nice to feel loved. Too many activities Fallon, too many activities. More on this later.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
McBurndt
At last...the sun. Glorious, glorious sun. Spent all weekend out in the sun. Regretting it now.
Moving on to more interesting matters. On Friday I received word that I have officially been accepted to graduate school at Gonzaga. Apparently I am the talk of the admissions office as I completed my application file in 9 days (a process that normally takes 6-8 weeks). My speed of completion was significantly helped by the fact that, unlike WSU Tri-Cities, Gonzaga will accept my less than stellar GMAT score (so I didn't have to take another admissions exam...THANK GOD). In a way I guess I am glad I got it done quickly. Gave me less time to talk myself out of it.
And on Friday my admissions counselor asks me how I feel after he tells me the news. Of course the first emotion is excitement, but following very close behind is "scared shitless". I have been out of school for 4 years. I feel a bit out of practice on this whole studying business. Plus now my life is ultracomplicated by jobs, husband, gym, trying to keep myself from becoming a fat cow....
But I digress. I am scared, but I just keep telling myself that I will be fine. I can do this, it will all be ok. On Saturday I went to a graduation for a friend who was receiving her masters and it kind of reinforced my feelings of how bad I want this. I guess I am just relying on the fact that everything just kind of seems to be falling into place which tells me this is right. This is what I should be doing. I just hope I still feel that way after I start repaying the student loan.
As a side note, to answer the obvious question of "how are you going to go to Gonzaga while living in Tri-Cities", the answer is "online". This is another new avenue for me. One which I would not have taken except I live in the shittiest part of the start for higher education (unless you want a degree in a hard science field, there is exactly no options for normal folk). So again, new experiences.
But hey, these new experiences are leading to new stuff, which is always fun. On Thursday I ordered a new computer because something tells me that my little Compaq laptop probably won't cut it for the type of computer work I am going to be doing.
But as exciting as all this is, at the end of this beautiful weekend, my little kayak did not see water. This makes me a bit sad. I fear a bit that now I will have one more reason to not be out enjoying my toys. But I am going to put that guilt aside for right now and promise I will get it out on Wednesday. Hopefully the weather will be good.
Moving on to more interesting matters. On Friday I received word that I have officially been accepted to graduate school at Gonzaga. Apparently I am the talk of the admissions office as I completed my application file in 9 days (a process that normally takes 6-8 weeks). My speed of completion was significantly helped by the fact that, unlike WSU Tri-Cities, Gonzaga will accept my less than stellar GMAT score (so I didn't have to take another admissions exam...THANK GOD). In a way I guess I am glad I got it done quickly. Gave me less time to talk myself out of it.
And on Friday my admissions counselor asks me how I feel after he tells me the news. Of course the first emotion is excitement, but following very close behind is "scared shitless". I have been out of school for 4 years. I feel a bit out of practice on this whole studying business. Plus now my life is ultracomplicated by jobs, husband, gym, trying to keep myself from becoming a fat cow....
But I digress. I am scared, but I just keep telling myself that I will be fine. I can do this, it will all be ok. On Saturday I went to a graduation for a friend who was receiving her masters and it kind of reinforced my feelings of how bad I want this. I guess I am just relying on the fact that everything just kind of seems to be falling into place which tells me this is right. This is what I should be doing. I just hope I still feel that way after I start repaying the student loan.
As a side note, to answer the obvious question of "how are you going to go to Gonzaga while living in Tri-Cities", the answer is "online". This is another new avenue for me. One which I would not have taken except I live in the shittiest part of the start for higher education (unless you want a degree in a hard science field, there is exactly no options for normal folk). So again, new experiences.
But hey, these new experiences are leading to new stuff, which is always fun. On Thursday I ordered a new computer because something tells me that my little Compaq laptop probably won't cut it for the type of computer work I am going to be doing.
But as exciting as all this is, at the end of this beautiful weekend, my little kayak did not see water. This makes me a bit sad. I fear a bit that now I will have one more reason to not be out enjoying my toys. But I am going to put that guilt aside for right now and promise I will get it out on Wednesday. Hopefully the weather will be good.
Monday, May 12, 2008
ride from hell
So Inland Empire. Ya, Inland Empire Century. The whole fricken 100 miles of this stupid ride. Why do I do this ride? I don't really know. Always seems like a good idea to start, then quickly turns sour.
On Friday after work I was little miss proactive and went to the bike store for new tubes. We do live in goathead country and one can never be too prepared. So I walk in the store (which has like a bizillion people in it because half of Tri-Cities has the same bright idea) and it occurs to me that I don't remember the size of my bike tires. So I told a guy who worked there what bike I had and he's like "oh ya, you need "X" tire tubes". Great, I buy 3.
So at 9:00 that night I am packing my car for the next mornings early departure and I look at my tires only to discover I actually have "y" tires, and the "x" tubes, won't fit. Thats ok, I think, I have a spare. Well, I pick up my bike only to find out my front tire is flat. Ok, so apparently I don't have a spare. But surely I can buy some at the ride tomorrow. Well, the only size they have at all at the ride are more "X" sized tubes.
So I call the DH and inform him that if I get a flat he is picking my happy ass up because I have no way to fix it. Well I wasn't lucky enough to get a flat. Nope, not me. Got to finish the whole ride. All...100...miles...of....it.
It occurs to me while I am heafting my fat ass up Webber Canyon (emphasis on the canyon) that I need to quit judging my athletic ability by how well I can do STP or by the fact I do spin class 2 or three times a week. Obviously thats not cutting it. Obviously my workout regimine needs to be broadened a bit.
But I finished. Sore and grumpy, and 3000 calories lighter, but finished. Of course that paled in comparison to the mothers day dinner I had to endure later that night. Actually the dinner was lovely, the food was great. What was painful was 15 minutes of the mother and the DH talking babies. And the fact my mother seems to think I should be having twins. Dear God, please kill me NOW.
So I should have an answer by next week as to whether or not I have been accepted to Grad school. I am excited. Scared shitless but excited. I do feel the pressure now to "get in, get it done, and get out" as sherman has officially cleared up the "two year plan" and I'm sure you can figure out that thats not the plan for another dog.
Everything will be fine. I just keep trying to tell myself that as I subtly start to hyperventilate.
On Friday after work I was little miss proactive and went to the bike store for new tubes. We do live in goathead country and one can never be too prepared. So I walk in the store (which has like a bizillion people in it because half of Tri-Cities has the same bright idea) and it occurs to me that I don't remember the size of my bike tires. So I told a guy who worked there what bike I had and he's like "oh ya, you need "X" tire tubes". Great, I buy 3.
So at 9:00 that night I am packing my car for the next mornings early departure and I look at my tires only to discover I actually have "y" tires, and the "x" tubes, won't fit. Thats ok, I think, I have a spare. Well, I pick up my bike only to find out my front tire is flat. Ok, so apparently I don't have a spare. But surely I can buy some at the ride tomorrow. Well, the only size they have at all at the ride are more "X" sized tubes.
So I call the DH and inform him that if I get a flat he is picking my happy ass up because I have no way to fix it. Well I wasn't lucky enough to get a flat. Nope, not me. Got to finish the whole ride. All...100...miles...of....it.
It occurs to me while I am heafting my fat ass up Webber Canyon (emphasis on the canyon) that I need to quit judging my athletic ability by how well I can do STP or by the fact I do spin class 2 or three times a week. Obviously thats not cutting it. Obviously my workout regimine needs to be broadened a bit.
But I finished. Sore and grumpy, and 3000 calories lighter, but finished. Of course that paled in comparison to the mothers day dinner I had to endure later that night. Actually the dinner was lovely, the food was great. What was painful was 15 minutes of the mother and the DH talking babies. And the fact my mother seems to think I should be having twins. Dear God, please kill me NOW.
So I should have an answer by next week as to whether or not I have been accepted to Grad school. I am excited. Scared shitless but excited. I do feel the pressure now to "get in, get it done, and get out" as sherman has officially cleared up the "two year plan" and I'm sure you can figure out that thats not the plan for another dog.
Everything will be fine. I just keep trying to tell myself that as I subtly start to hyperventilate.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Yet another step toward my insanity...
So I think one of the main reasons for me starting this blog was as a tool for me to figure out why it seems like I am never content. I have added yet more reasons this week as to why I am convinced I have a problem with being content.
I applied to graduate school this week. No good reason why, other than I found the right program and I work for a company that will help pay for it. Notice how I didn't say "will pay for it out right". This will still end up costing me in the end about $15K. Better than $30K though. But since the day I got my BA, I have wanted the hood to match. I am currently fighting the urge to start next month. My gut instinct tells me I will regret not waiting until summer is over, but I am anxious, I want to start now. Its like, if I don't start now, I have just that much more time to talk myself out of it.
On a bit of a lighter note, I am about to experiment in a study of belief. Tomorrow I am going to do the Inland Empire Century. I have done this ride before, and its not a real easy ride, but I am going to do the whole 100 miles, and I am going to try and do it fast. This is test of belief because I have not ridden outside but about 30 miles. So, I am relying on the idea that spinning has kept me in shape. We shall see.
I will let you know how it goes. I would type more, but I have a lot of stuff to do. Thats been the theme of this whole week.
I applied to graduate school this week. No good reason why, other than I found the right program and I work for a company that will help pay for it. Notice how I didn't say "will pay for it out right". This will still end up costing me in the end about $15K. Better than $30K though. But since the day I got my BA, I have wanted the hood to match. I am currently fighting the urge to start next month. My gut instinct tells me I will regret not waiting until summer is over, but I am anxious, I want to start now. Its like, if I don't start now, I have just that much more time to talk myself out of it.
On a bit of a lighter note, I am about to experiment in a study of belief. Tomorrow I am going to do the Inland Empire Century. I have done this ride before, and its not a real easy ride, but I am going to do the whole 100 miles, and I am going to try and do it fast. This is test of belief because I have not ridden outside but about 30 miles. So, I am relying on the idea that spinning has kept me in shape. We shall see.
I will let you know how it goes. I would type more, but I have a lot of stuff to do. Thats been the theme of this whole week.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
last night in the great AZ heat
I am sad to be going home. Happy to go home because I miss the DH, but sad none the less.
I miss my sister so much. She is so much fun, truely a missing person in my life. But what I think I miss more is the opportunity to influence my neice. My neice is 19 and just graduated a year ago, and has so much life ahead of her. What is more is all the potential I see and how much I hope she will see what I see.
I am coming to realize how hard it can be to influence people. To get them to see what is just a little further than right in front of their noses to the bigger picture. To realize that life is more than the instant gratification and that if you really want something, you have to work for it. There is no free ticket on this ride called life.
God that sounded like a bad commerical. But it is so true.
That stupid thought right there should bring me back to my quest to lose weight. Nothing ever worth having ever came easy. If you want something, you have to work for it. So right now, tonight, I have had my last free night. Tomorrow it is back to square one, back to work. I have to work on my eating, on my attitude, on my outlook, and hopefully I can get back to where I need to be.
On a lighter note, this has been a memorable trip in the sense of a bit of adventure. The dear sis and I had a bit of a run in with a fast river, and in the process, destroyed a canoe. I will post pictures next week (the funny part right now is that when you see the state of the canoe, you will wonder how the camera managed to survive - all I can say is that I am just that good).
Peace Out.
I miss my sister so much. She is so much fun, truely a missing person in my life. But what I think I miss more is the opportunity to influence my neice. My neice is 19 and just graduated a year ago, and has so much life ahead of her. What is more is all the potential I see and how much I hope she will see what I see.
I am coming to realize how hard it can be to influence people. To get them to see what is just a little further than right in front of their noses to the bigger picture. To realize that life is more than the instant gratification and that if you really want something, you have to work for it. There is no free ticket on this ride called life.
God that sounded like a bad commerical. But it is so true.
That stupid thought right there should bring me back to my quest to lose weight. Nothing ever worth having ever came easy. If you want something, you have to work for it. So right now, tonight, I have had my last free night. Tomorrow it is back to square one, back to work. I have to work on my eating, on my attitude, on my outlook, and hopefully I can get back to where I need to be.
On a lighter note, this has been a memorable trip in the sense of a bit of adventure. The dear sis and I had a bit of a run in with a fast river, and in the process, destroyed a canoe. I will post pictures next week (the funny part right now is that when you see the state of the canoe, you will wonder how the camera managed to survive - all I can say is that I am just that good).
Peace Out.
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