who reminds me, if you have a blog, you must post. I have not been good with this and I must apologize.
So I am in Arizona. I am visiting my sister. Now, a bit of background on my sister - she is 20 years my senior and has lived through a hell of a lot more shit than I will ever imagine living through in my life. She is a trooper - she is a survivor - she is the only extended family I really keep in close contact with.
After a good dinner and a couple stout bottles of wine, we get talking about family. Good talks - but it brings me around to my feelings of guilt for not keeping in contact with the people I care about the most. Its so easy once you get married to get wrapped up in the immediate life that is you and your husband, and lose sight of all the people who have influenced, and shaped you to be that person that boy wanted to marry. And these are people who care, and love you.
I have good friends. I tend to focus on the fact I have no good friends at home, but lose sight of the fact that I have so many good people in my life who want to see me, and have fun with me, and I don't see them because I don't make the effort. I have a good friend in Seattle who I have not seen since December. Its MAY - she only lives 3 hours away - and I havent seen her in 5 months! That is shitty. What is more shitty is that I have a great friend in Idaho - only 2.5 hours away who I have not seen since.....well shit, since last summer. She has lived in her own apartment in Idaho for years now, and I have yet to go see her apartment. Why? Becuase I have become so engulfed in my current life that I have lost focus and sight of the other people I care so deeply about.
Hell, my parents live only 80 miles away, and if I see them once a month, its been a good month.
God it sucks growning up. It sucks having to be responsible, and pay bills, and do the constant shit around the house that always needs to be done. But I wish I had a more pragmatic way of looking at life and realizing that all that crap is trivial. What is more important is keeping in touch with my friends and family, who when I hang out with them so quickly remind me of why I love them so much.
Teresa, I miss you. Katie, I miss you. You are the two people who no matter what, brighten my world. But in that world are jobs, families, and husbands/boyfriends - which if you look at the bigger picture, are the things that are supposed to encompass our lives. The bigger picture shows we are supposed to seek out a mate, procreate, grow families. That bigger pictures often does not include close friends - which sucks. For me, that bigger picture also does not include a sister, whom I so dealy love, but lives too far away to play a significant role in my life. If times are good, I see her once a year, in which we spend a week having the time of our lives, which afterwards I cry as I get on a plane to go home, and continue my life, as I know it, without her. Its ok in the sense that I know being an only child, but when I get to experience having a sister, its like getting a new best friend, all over again.
But I have 2 best friends, who live close enough that I should be able to have good relationships with them. But again, life gets in the way and we find ourselves months in between visits. But once I get to see either of these two girls, its like my soul is revived and I have a new lease on life. Good times, good times.
I guess the bottom line here is that I have good things. Lots of good things and good people in my life and if I don't start making an effort to make those people a more prominanat figure in my life, they will be gone, and that will make me sad. I don't make life long friends everyday. I have live in Tri-Cities over 4 years and are just now starting to make that one good friend. I need to not take for granted the people who are significant in my life. The people who love and accept me for me. Those people are hard to find.
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