I can't remember when the shift happened. The shift from absolutley hating snow and swearing at the sight of it, to, well, its not so bad.
Oh ya - when I started working at a location that easily gets snow days. As it has been snowing, literally, all day long, I am really hoping for one tomorrow. Not really because I want to get out of work (even though I do) but more because I really really don't want to drive all the way out to work in this crap. It's bad enough the DH has to drive all over Prosser tomorrow. There is really no good reason for me to go into work tomorrow. There is not a thing going on as it is a short week. So ya - wish me luck. Hopefully I will get to sleep in tomorrow.
On to other news. My class is finally done and I have a month off until the next one. I am so ready for this break. This grad school online thing is kind of interesting. Its not like this has been a HUGE time commitment on my part, but its like I always have this "thing" lurking in the back of my mind that there is always something to be done for school.
Nothing too exciting to report. Got all my Christmas shopping done, wrapped, and almost packed for the ride to Yakima. Looking forward to a nice holiday with the families. Of course, be it merry or not, at least I know it will be a while Christmas.
Merry Christmas everyone!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
sick day
I have not taken an actual sick day in like 4 years. I got sick enough last year that I should have, but I didn't. Well, couple getting sick with that fact that it is just NASTY outside with all the snow, getting up for work just didn't happen this morning. I am sure my co-workers appreciate it.
So I am taking a day to sleep, bake a bundt cake, wrap and hopefully feel a bit better. This is the wrong time of year to get sick but what's one to do? Other than that, life has been pretty boring. I finished my combat training and have been practicing to get ready for debut next month and I am finally wrapping up my current class. For some reasont this class seemed to kind of drag on. Maybe its because I have so much other crap going on right now, I don't know.
Anyway, just a short update. I think I am going to go back to bed now.
So I am taking a day to sleep, bake a bundt cake, wrap and hopefully feel a bit better. This is the wrong time of year to get sick but what's one to do? Other than that, life has been pretty boring. I finished my combat training and have been practicing to get ready for debut next month and I am finally wrapping up my current class. For some reasont this class seemed to kind of drag on. Maybe its because I have so much other crap going on right now, I don't know.
Anyway, just a short update. I think I am going to go back to bed now.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Last POSTMAN for class....Enjoy!
While not everyone will agree with his arguments, one can easily say that Neil Postman has a way of looking at media that will make most give their everyday habits a second thought. Most of us go about our days interacting with media without giving a second thought to how our lives came to be shaped by that media. Neil Postman definitely gives us something to think about in the way of how our life might be different if it were not for media. What makes reading Postman frustrating though, is this sense that we are supposed to be doing something different with our lives, but we are not quite sure what that is.
In the first few chapters of his book, Technopoly, Postman takes us on a little journey through time in which he marks major events where the introduction of technology significantly changed a society. The example of the introduction of the clock led me to think about what my life would be without one. And for what it is worth, I couldn’t draw the picture. There are just some things that are so engrained in our lives that we cannot imagine a life without it. The discussion of the clock is what led me to believe Postman makes some unfair arguments. “What the monks did not foresee was that the clock is a means not merely of keeping track of the hours but also of synchronizing and controlling the actions of men” (Postman, 1993, pg. 14). I don’t think it was the clock controlling the actions of men, I think it was the “routines of the monasteries, which required, among other things, seven periods of devotion during the course of the day” (Postman, pg. 14). The clock didn’t make the men worship. The monasteries did. The clock just gave a reference point.
Building from this point, Postman states that “the clock had moved outside the walls of the monastery and brought a new and precise regularity to the life of the workman and the merchant” (pg. 14) and further links the clock with greed. This point in particular makes me cringe. Perhaps it is my naivety, but I fail to make the connection between a tool that offers a way to tell the point of sun and earth relation, to the emotional drive for wealth.
While Postman attempts to excuse his way of relating all bad things in life to technology by declaring his defense of the written word, it seems to be the only provision he is willing to make for technology. Later in the book he writes of how the introduction of the factory mill destroyed the craft of the skilled spinner, and the introduction of the car destroyed the blacksmith. Postman talks time and time again about what is left behind when a new technology is introduced, but seems to fail to mention what is brought forward with the introduction of technology. This point I think speaks to the great society we are. Yes, our society has been changed by technology and somethings have been lost, but we have gained so much as well. For many of the skills that have been lost by the introduction of technology we have developed new. We may not have as many skilled blacksmiths, but we have more brain surgeons, electrical engineers, chemists, and many other professions built on the platform of technology that have greatly advanced our society.
Again, I fault Postman for not offering arguments as to how he thinks we are supposed to live. And perhaps that was not the point of his book. I believe it is just as unwise to argue that a society should not go forth and progress because of the loss of some skilled craft while not offering some arguments about how it has progressed. For example, Postman criticizes the computer in the classroom, suggesting that it will make us a less social society and nullify the use of teachers (rubbish!). What about the argument that a computer in the classroom can enable students to communicate with, and learn from other students in countries they would never dream of being able to go to? Or that computers may enable students who are not able to learn via the conventional methods the ability to progress beyond expectations?
Postman’s writing should be experienced by everyone. Regardless of whether or not you agree with his arguments, Postman gives a good means for re-examining a way of life that most of us probably take for granted. For the same reason we all study history (so that we many learn from our mistakes and our victories) we must do the same with technology. The more we know about any given subject, including the role of technology in our lives, the better prepared we are to manage the use of it.
In the first few chapters of his book, Technopoly, Postman takes us on a little journey through time in which he marks major events where the introduction of technology significantly changed a society. The example of the introduction of the clock led me to think about what my life would be without one. And for what it is worth, I couldn’t draw the picture. There are just some things that are so engrained in our lives that we cannot imagine a life without it. The discussion of the clock is what led me to believe Postman makes some unfair arguments. “What the monks did not foresee was that the clock is a means not merely of keeping track of the hours but also of synchronizing and controlling the actions of men” (Postman, 1993, pg. 14). I don’t think it was the clock controlling the actions of men, I think it was the “routines of the monasteries, which required, among other things, seven periods of devotion during the course of the day” (Postman, pg. 14). The clock didn’t make the men worship. The monasteries did. The clock just gave a reference point.
Building from this point, Postman states that “the clock had moved outside the walls of the monastery and brought a new and precise regularity to the life of the workman and the merchant” (pg. 14) and further links the clock with greed. This point in particular makes me cringe. Perhaps it is my naivety, but I fail to make the connection between a tool that offers a way to tell the point of sun and earth relation, to the emotional drive for wealth.
While Postman attempts to excuse his way of relating all bad things in life to technology by declaring his defense of the written word, it seems to be the only provision he is willing to make for technology. Later in the book he writes of how the introduction of the factory mill destroyed the craft of the skilled spinner, and the introduction of the car destroyed the blacksmith. Postman talks time and time again about what is left behind when a new technology is introduced, but seems to fail to mention what is brought forward with the introduction of technology. This point I think speaks to the great society we are. Yes, our society has been changed by technology and somethings have been lost, but we have gained so much as well. For many of the skills that have been lost by the introduction of technology we have developed new. We may not have as many skilled blacksmiths, but we have more brain surgeons, electrical engineers, chemists, and many other professions built on the platform of technology that have greatly advanced our society.
Again, I fault Postman for not offering arguments as to how he thinks we are supposed to live. And perhaps that was not the point of his book. I believe it is just as unwise to argue that a society should not go forth and progress because of the loss of some skilled craft while not offering some arguments about how it has progressed. For example, Postman criticizes the computer in the classroom, suggesting that it will make us a less social society and nullify the use of teachers (rubbish!). What about the argument that a computer in the classroom can enable students to communicate with, and learn from other students in countries they would never dream of being able to go to? Or that computers may enable students who are not able to learn via the conventional methods the ability to progress beyond expectations?
Postman’s writing should be experienced by everyone. Regardless of whether or not you agree with his arguments, Postman gives a good means for re-examining a way of life that most of us probably take for granted. For the same reason we all study history (so that we many learn from our mistakes and our victories) we must do the same with technology. The more we know about any given subject, including the role of technology in our lives, the better prepared we are to manage the use of it.
Body Combat training
Sucked and Rocked all at the same time.
You know, the funny thing about doing something truely challenging is the great feeling you have once it's done. Last weekend I spent 27 hours (yes, you read that right) at my gym training to become certified to teach this kickboxing-like program. It was a very hard and exhausting class (constantly moving, working on technique, chorey, etc) and I was doing something that I didn't have a lot of experience in.
When I went through this same type of training to teach my spinning class, I had already been teaching for 6 months. I went in acting like I knew everything and left humbled. This time, I walked in acting like I knew nothing (which was close to the truth) and left feeling like Rocky. I passed the training and as soon as my gym gets the program launched I am cleared to teach. I am so excited.
It is so nice when you can surpass your own expectations. I love that feeling.
Speaking of expectations - the DH lost his wedding ring. And I wasn't mad at all. Why? Because I expected him to do it. Every single married man I know has lost his wedding band at some point or another. He is way more pissed than I am. Which is probably good - because once we replace it, hopefully he won't lose it again.
You know, the funny thing about doing something truely challenging is the great feeling you have once it's done. Last weekend I spent 27 hours (yes, you read that right) at my gym training to become certified to teach this kickboxing-like program. It was a very hard and exhausting class (constantly moving, working on technique, chorey, etc) and I was doing something that I didn't have a lot of experience in.
When I went through this same type of training to teach my spinning class, I had already been teaching for 6 months. I went in acting like I knew everything and left humbled. This time, I walked in acting like I knew nothing (which was close to the truth) and left feeling like Rocky. I passed the training and as soon as my gym gets the program launched I am cleared to teach. I am so excited.
It is so nice when you can surpass your own expectations. I love that feeling.
Speaking of expectations - the DH lost his wedding ring. And I wasn't mad at all. Why? Because I expected him to do it. Every single married man I know has lost his wedding band at some point or another. He is way more pissed than I am. Which is probably good - because once we replace it, hopefully he won't lose it again.
Monday, November 24, 2008
The end of an era
So last weekend marked kind of a momentus event. Sherman sold his race car. Now those who know me well know that the race car was the subject of MANY discussions/issues/fights/sore feelings/happy feelings and other "things" of the like in my marriage. Over the almost 7 years I have known Sherman he has raced and sometimes it was really great, and sometimes it wasn't, but it was one of the things he loved to do.
For as much as I have had strong feelings about this hobby, and as much as my family has had very strong feelings about this hobby, its hard to be hugely critical of something that created an opportunity for us to start out relationship. When Sherman and I first met, we lived 300 miles apart, but we were able to make a relationship work because he was in Bellingham every weekend to race. It worked really well for a couple of years.
But then I graduated and moved, but racing didn't. Even though we both now lived in the same town, racing was still 300 miles away. And in the mean time, life proceeded to happen. A house was bought, a marriage happened, and yet still, racing remained. These last couple of years it was actually fun for both of us as I got to work in the pits on the car and become more involved overall. But every year it just gets harder. Gas gets more expensive, schedules start filling up, and house projects start to happen. And in the end, the smart decision was made.
After talking to a co-worker about this, he asked me what Sherman was going to do now. "Because he has to have something to do". I personally think doting over me is hobby enough, but I can see where that would not be much fun for him, so the answer right now is I don't know. It never occured to me that he might find another hobby that would more consuming than racing, but I don't think he will. Regardless, with two brothers still racing in Bellingham we are guaranteed to still make frequent trips there during the summer. Which is ok because I really like the area.
So to my husband, I know this was a hard decision for you. But it just reinforces my beliefe that I married the right man. Thank you.
Monday, November 17, 2008
A little dose of Mr. Chomsky
Few people of this century have influenced our ability to critique mass media and their control on our thoughts and opinions quite like Noam Chomsky. Noam was one of the first people to challenge the commonly held notion that our news sources were bias neutral. Today, anyone who watches “Fox News” and evaluates it with a critical eye, only taking some of what they say at face value because they know the news is coming from a biased sourced has been influenced by Chomsky’s theories.
Noam Chomsky is reported as being the most “cited living person” with over 4,000 of his citations being listed in the Arts and Humanities Citation Index for the years 1980-1992 (Barsky, 1998). He holds rank against the likes of Plato and Aristotle as being one of the most quoted people of all time. This is likely because of the vast plethora of written works of his from which to quote from. Chomsky has written books on a great number of subjects, including linguistics, theory and syntax of linguistics, politics, and mass media critique. Regardless of whether or not you agree with his arguments, one has to admit that with close to 200 published books and articles, the guy can write. And while some of his political pieces are easy to understand and comprehend, one only needs to read a few pages from “Systems of Syntactic Analysis” to realize his ability to write, and think, at a level far beyond the comprehension of most people.
Yet, when one reads an article by Chomsky, then proceeds to see him on video, they can get the strange feeling they have perhaps just experienced two very different people. This same Noam Chomsky, who can be so convincing in print, comes across as somewhat meek and mild when seen in real life. While Chomsky’s words can be strong and convincing, his live delivery, and his presence can hinder those arguments.
To clearly see this, one only needs to watch Chomsky’s opening statements at his appearance in Nanaimo, BC at the beginning of Manufacturing Consent. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pb_dTOOUuVYChomsky starts out this talk with discrediting himself in a sort of way, by explaining that while some people refer to him as one of the greatest thinkers of all time, they also accuse him of having a rather simplistic thought on foreign policy. And while this can be seen as a way for Chomsky to soften the crowd by ensuring they don’t think he is some kind of egotistical blowhard, he also sets the tone and thought of he’s not a great as some people claim he is.
It is easy to argue that Chomsky is much more convincing in print because Chomsky in real life is much like Chomsky in print – lacking significant and important non-verbal cues. Words are Chomsky’s specialty. The speaking of those words is not. When Chomsky speaks, his tone and spoken rate varies very little. You never really hear him raise his voice or hear verbal excitement. He uses lots of large words and long sentences. While in an interview or giving a speech, he lacks large physical movement. To listen to Chomsky speak and really comprehend his arguments, one has to really focus on the words, and not count on the fact that he will speak in a way in which to keep you engaged. You have to force yourself to concentrate on what he is saying. And the minute you don’t, you have missed a significant point to his criticisms. If you carefully examine some of the interviews shown on the movie “Manufacturing Consent” you can almost see the exact time when the person giving the interview tunes out. The viewer almost gets uncomfortable watching Chomsky go on and on when the person sitting across from Chomsky is obviously no longer listening. This is probably because Chomsky thinks and speaks at a level far beyond that of most people interviewing him.
Much like the Kennedy/Nixon Presidential debates of 1960, in which we saw just how influential the visual perception of someone can be, Chomsky’s visual presence is almost a hindrance to his fantastic work. What arguments he can present so well in writing, he cannot portray with the same excitement in live presentation. While reading a Chomsky political work I may be compelled to rise up and be an active member of war opposition. But listening to Chomsky make that same argument will most likely not have that same effect. This illustrates what some may think of as a fault within our society. The fact that we put so much weight on how someone presents as opposed to what they are presenting I believe shows a failing of humans as highly intelligent specie. We are drawn to that Gatorade commercial featuring Michael Jordan because Michael Jordan has good visual presence. He speaks well, he’s cute, and if he tells me drinking Gatorade will help me become a professional athlete, then I believe him. So I go out and buy Gatorade, but I am no professional athlete. Why? The resounding reason (which is very convincing but not related to this paper) can be found by reading Chomsky’s “Propaganda Model”.
Whether heard orally or read in a book, everyone should experience some of Chomsky’s works. His arguments are some of the most influential of our time, and whether you agree with them or not, they give you a whole new way of viewing and critiquing the world around you.
Achbar, M & Wintonick, P (Directors) 1992. Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky
and the Media [motion picture]. Canada: Necessary Illusions and the National Film Board of Canada.
Barsky, R. (1997). Noam Chomsky: A Life of Dissent. Canada: ECW Press.
Chomsky, N. & Herman, E. (1988). Manufacturing Consent: The Political Economy of
the Mass Media. New York. Pantheon Books.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Blogging because I feel the need to
Its been a bit of an ugly week - between the election, work, school, gym, I am flat exhausted.
Let first start with school. I am a little disappointed to see that NO ONE left any comments on my last post/paper. But then again, I probably wouldn't comment on it either. I only need one person to like it anyway... I have decided I am most likely going to write my final research paper for this class on blogging because I am finding it to be a rather interesting subject. I have only read one article on it so far and have found some of the concepts surrounds blogs to be rather curious. Do I blog because its a good way to keep in contact with many people quicky and with minimal effort? Or do I blog because I just like to hear myself talk (is this just a forum for one?). I will let you know what I come up with.
As so I gotta talk about it - the election. The DH and I voted the same, but my mother and my best friend voted opposite. And I have had to endure quite a bit of conversation from both about who the right person is to win this race. I am disappointed. I don't know if I am more disappointed in the presidental election or our state governor race, but its close. I am just going to try and remain optimistic. But I am scared.
Work - is kicking my arse. I still struggle so much with this position in that at times I am way over my head, and I am just scrambling to get done what I am able. Sometimes I get tired of feeling so incompetitent. I just want to feel confident in my job. I think if I can just make it to Christmas, the first of the year will be better.
Gym - this is an added stress for me right now that I probably don't need. I am trying so hard to get myself qualified to teach a kickboxing class. Right now that means just taking as many classes as I can. So I am currently taking kickboxing on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday, and teaching spin on Tuesday and Thursday. I don't know how much longer I can continue this schedule. My body is starting to object a bit and its really hard on the weekly schedule. I just don't have enough time. But I have another month of having to do this. My weekend long training for the class is December 5th, and I need to get as much practice as I can before then. So I guess I will just have to buck up and deal with it. I find it interesting how I have gone from thinking I was going to quit when i started school to tryint to do a new program. Sometimes I wonder why I do the things I do.
School - not much to say here except that I am ready for a few weeks without it.
I am wondering if I have a breaking point. I don't want to find out, but I am a little tired of being this busy. Ok - no more whining. Everything is optional. Nobody is making me do any of this.
Let first start with school. I am a little disappointed to see that NO ONE left any comments on my last post/paper. But then again, I probably wouldn't comment on it either. I only need one person to like it anyway... I have decided I am most likely going to write my final research paper for this class on blogging because I am finding it to be a rather interesting subject. I have only read one article on it so far and have found some of the concepts surrounds blogs to be rather curious. Do I blog because its a good way to keep in contact with many people quicky and with minimal effort? Or do I blog because I just like to hear myself talk (is this just a forum for one?). I will let you know what I come up with.
As so I gotta talk about it - the election. The DH and I voted the same, but my mother and my best friend voted opposite. And I have had to endure quite a bit of conversation from both about who the right person is to win this race. I am disappointed. I don't know if I am more disappointed in the presidental election or our state governor race, but its close. I am just going to try and remain optimistic. But I am scared.
Work - is kicking my arse. I still struggle so much with this position in that at times I am way over my head, and I am just scrambling to get done what I am able. Sometimes I get tired of feeling so incompetitent. I just want to feel confident in my job. I think if I can just make it to Christmas, the first of the year will be better.
Gym - this is an added stress for me right now that I probably don't need. I am trying so hard to get myself qualified to teach a kickboxing class. Right now that means just taking as many classes as I can. So I am currently taking kickboxing on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday, and teaching spin on Tuesday and Thursday. I don't know how much longer I can continue this schedule. My body is starting to object a bit and its really hard on the weekly schedule. I just don't have enough time. But I have another month of having to do this. My weekend long training for the class is December 5th, and I need to get as much practice as I can before then. So I guess I will just have to buck up and deal with it. I find it interesting how I have gone from thinking I was going to quit when i started school to tryint to do a new program. Sometimes I wonder why I do the things I do.
School - not much to say here except that I am ready for a few weeks without it.
I am wondering if I have a breaking point. I don't want to find out, but I am a little tired of being this busy. Ok - no more whining. Everything is optional. Nobody is making me do any of this.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Do you write angry emails?
While writing my paper for this post, I likely will edit, erase, correct, and rephrase wording many times in order to produce a paper that says what I want it to say, in proper English grammar, and with the right tone. This is the beauty of having time to write a paper. Now, if we were having a conversation, it is almost a given that something would not be said quite right, using poor grammar, or even contain arguments I wished I would have phrased differently. Given this information, it is fair to say that I would present an idea with better information and emotion if given time to put it in text. I believe the same concept applies to angry emails. For an average angry person, the ability to put an argument into written form allows more passion and emotion to be seen. This is precisely because (as our text states) of the presence of reduced social cues, and the distance allowed in which to compose thoughts into text.
How many times have you thought out a conversation or argument you are about to have? Probably plenty and you probably thought you had every angle to the argument covered. Of course, when we actually have that conversation or argument, it usually doesn’t turn out the way we predicted. This is precisely because we cannot fully forecast what another person is going to think or say. Sometimes the angle they take on a subject completely changes our argument and can leave us scrambling for new arguments. And sometimes the words spoken are exactly what were predicted, but there is an emergence of unanticipated emotion.
For some people, the tone and direction of a conversation or argument may completely change depending on if the person being talked to starts to cry, scream, or produce other strong emotions. The presence of tears or anger can completely change the thought process or reasons of one’s anger. But when there is a lack of this feedback, an angry person who is writing has little check (other than his conscience) to keep his own emotions in line. This can lead to CMC seen as significantly angrier than FtF communication.
Our text cites work by O’Sullivan and Flanagin as the need “to always contextualize online communication and to avoid simplistic explanations for what are otherwise complex social interactions” (Thurlow, pg 69) and in doing so, present a valid point. While we can argue that CMC may allow more anger to be seen, it can only be seen if the receiver interprets text as anger. In the same way we can identify a “failed flame” we can state that if the receiver of an angry email does not interpret it as aggressive, then the argument may not have been any angrier than it would have been if spoken.
Another reason emails can be angrier is because as Raymond A. Friedman describes in his paper “Conflict Escalation: Dispute Exacerbating Elements of E-Mail Communication”, they are hugely antisocial. “E-mails are typically received and written while the writer is in isolation, staring at a computer screen – perhaps for hours at a time, so that awareness of the humanness of the counterpart may be diminished (Friedman, 2004).
A second reason for angry emails is the concept of distance. In this example, “distance” is the time in which to carefully (and emotionally) compose thoughts into text. The idea that people can (theortically) takes as long as they need to compose an email that conveys thoughts, complete with emotions. As Friedman (2004) points out, “greater revisability can enhance escalation in another way as well. Because each party knows that the other has time to revise messages, it is more likely that whatever message gets sent will be perceived as being intended and fully thought-out. It was not an accident, or a slip of the tongue”.
Comparatively speaking though, our authors provide research suggesting that angry messages were more likely to happen when people were under a time pressure (Thurlow, pg 71). I too agree that this can be a factor. Especially now that people can type at closer to the rate of thought than they can write, which allows more emotions to be put into writing, without as much thought about the consequences. And it takes only a split second to “seal the deal” and send that nasty, emotion laden, email.
If you Google “Angry Emails” you get a return of over a million hits. A large number of these hits comprise of sites with information on how to handle creating, or receiving angry email. This suggests that the exchange of angry emails is a problem for many people. One particular site provides tips such as “Cool Down”, “Do your homework”, and “schedule a meeting” which all encourage talking out a problem with someone as opposed to emailing them (www.michaelhyatt.com).
Just as we tend to play by social rules when communicating with people face to face, we should remember those same rules when communicating via text. Every word we say (or write) when eventually experienced by another person will have an effect. Though we may not see that effect immediately, it will do more good if we can always remember it is there.
Friedman, Raymond A. and Currall, Steven C.,Conflict Escalation: Dispute
Exacerbating Elements of E-Mail Communication. Available at SSRN:
http://ssrn.com/abstract=459429 or DOI: 10.2139/ssrn.459429
Hyatt, M. (2007). Stop: Don’t Send That Angry Email. Retrieved November 1, 2008,
from http://www.michaelhyatt.com/fromwhereisit/2007/09/stop-dont-sen-1.html.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Must spruce up the ol' page
Very shortly I am going to be using this blog as a tool for my class I am currently taking. So I am finally going to take some time to spruce it up and make it look pretty. Maybe it will help me get a better grade....
So my next few posts you may find hugely interesting, or really boring. But they have to be done for my class, so take them or leave them... (but I hope you will continue to visit my page!)
So my next few posts you may find hugely interesting, or really boring. But they have to be done for my class, so take them or leave them... (but I hope you will continue to visit my page!)
Sunday, October 26, 2008
October has been a good month
And its not even over with.
The month started with a much needed trip to Couer D'Alene for what is commonly referred to as "Lez Fest". Lez fest is the yearly get together of "the three amigos" (me and my two best girlfriends from college). We try to all get together once a year, rotating locations.
It was a very relaxing weekend, which was nice. We didn't do anything real exciting, but rather just sat around and caught up. I miss my girls so much, and it really sucks we all live so far away from each other. But all it takes is one weekend to remind yourself what good friendship is all about and why, no matter how far apart we live from each other, we will always be close.
I think we have all heard the addage about old friends and new friends, and while I will always cherish my old friends, its nice to make some new friends as well. This past week the DH and I spent 4 days on the Oregon coast with two other couples, of whom I will consider "new friends" of mine (the background is that all the men have been friends for ever). It was very nice to have 4 days to just relax and putz around. But admist all of it I think there was an interesting social experience. Of the three couples, the DH and I have been together the longest (6.5 years, married for 2), the engaged couple has been together 2.5 years, engaged for .5 (I believe), and then the dating couple has been together 6 months. We all got along well and enjoyed each others presence, but some of the dynamics were just interesting.
Its fair to say that being in the stages of relationships that they are, the other two couples were much more frequent with the...public displays of affection. And dont' get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that, but as the "old married hag" (who oddly enough is the youngest of the group) it was interesting and fun to watch people who were still so passionate about each other. Who were still having fun in the "newness" of a relationship, or the "newness" of planning a wedding. At times I look at the DH and wonder why we don't act more like those guys. But from that, I realize the beauty of my own relationship. Sherman and I have never been big on the PDA, its just not our style, but what is nice is that we don't need it either. We are happy, and stable, and comfortable. And from a girl who started this blog because she constantly felt uncomfortable with her life, that is saying a lot.
It was fun spending 4 days watching these two couples in their stages of relationships. But at the end of the trip, there was no envy. I am happy being a old married hag. It took a lot of growing to get here, and being here is good. I wouldn't go back for anything.
(and the picture is not from this weekend, but this is the "three amigos".)
Friday, October 10, 2008
I'm getting sentimental in my old age
I watched the season premier of CSI tonight (thank you DVR). If you missed it, it was the follow up episode from last season when Warrick got shot (and obviously died, which we all knew was going to happen because real life Warrick - whose name escapes me at the moment- couldn't keep himself out of trouble. Or jail). So at the end of the episode they had the funeral for him and I sat on the couch and cried like I personally knew the character.
The last time I cried like that was the season finale of House when they killed off Amber.
I never used to cry at fiction. Not movies, not television, not books, nothing. But I am finding more and more all it takes is a cute commercial featuring fuzzy kittens and I get a little weepy (and I'm not even going to start on the chain-motivational-send this back to me to show me you love me- emails that always have cute photos of puppies and kittens and babies.....) But more and more I find I cry easier and easier.
I think its because I am getting older and death is just kind of falling all around me. Just a few weeks ago, a guy who worked just a few cubicles down from me died. 39 years old, a professional body builder, has a heart attack while running on the treadmill at the gym. It wasn't like I was best friends with the guy, but we talked and laughed frequently at work and I miss him lots just because he was an all around nice guy who I enjoyed talking to - mostly because we shared the gym/nutrition/weightlifting interest. But 39 years old and he was the picture of health. That is only a few years older than Sherman.
And I didn't go to his funeral. I sit here on the couch and cry at fake funerals, and yet I can't get myself to attend one for someone I know. I think its because I knew it was going to be incredibly sad, and from what people tell me, it was.
But on to something slightly happier. I took my first BodyCombat class last monday and I have to say, I really, really liked it. I don't know if I have a shot in the dark of being able to instruct it, but it was a good class. Unlike step or aerobics which I am way too uncoordinated to do, the moves in this program are not nearly as complicated. So I will take my next two classes next week and hopefully I can start to get some of this down.
And as far as my last post goes with the comment about it not feeling like fall...we are officially past that now. Its cold, I'm grumpy, and the DH has not agreed to turn on heat yet. Pooh.
Next Post: My weekend in Couer D' Alene. Lez Fest 2008.
The last time I cried like that was the season finale of House when they killed off Amber.
I never used to cry at fiction. Not movies, not television, not books, nothing. But I am finding more and more all it takes is a cute commercial featuring fuzzy kittens and I get a little weepy (and I'm not even going to start on the chain-motivational-send this back to me to show me you love me- emails that always have cute photos of puppies and kittens and babies.....) But more and more I find I cry easier and easier.
I think its because I am getting older and death is just kind of falling all around me. Just a few weeks ago, a guy who worked just a few cubicles down from me died. 39 years old, a professional body builder, has a heart attack while running on the treadmill at the gym. It wasn't like I was best friends with the guy, but we talked and laughed frequently at work and I miss him lots just because he was an all around nice guy who I enjoyed talking to - mostly because we shared the gym/nutrition/weightlifting interest. But 39 years old and he was the picture of health. That is only a few years older than Sherman.
And I didn't go to his funeral. I sit here on the couch and cry at fake funerals, and yet I can't get myself to attend one for someone I know. I think its because I knew it was going to be incredibly sad, and from what people tell me, it was.
But on to something slightly happier. I took my first BodyCombat class last monday and I have to say, I really, really liked it. I don't know if I have a shot in the dark of being able to instruct it, but it was a good class. Unlike step or aerobics which I am way too uncoordinated to do, the moves in this program are not nearly as complicated. So I will take my next two classes next week and hopefully I can start to get some of this down.
And as far as my last post goes with the comment about it not feeling like fall...we are officially past that now. Its cold, I'm grumpy, and the DH has not agreed to turn on heat yet. Pooh.
Next Post: My weekend in Couer D' Alene. Lez Fest 2008.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Season's change...
Well, its finally October. The weather suggests it might still be August, but I'm not complaining.
Work issues seem to have calmed down a bit. Life is still hectic as my work load there has just tripled, but again, I'm not complaining. I am employed, which is more than several hundred people out there can say. So we are still in the midst of transition and nobody has any clue what the hell they should be doing, where they should be going, or what work is a priority to produce. We still have not really seen any new managers, but again, I am at work, and getting paid.
So lets see, other than that, I just got done with the group project from hell for my class. It wasn't really the project from hell, rather the group from hell. And through the frustration of having to deal with 3 people suffering from short timers I managed to make a really crappy (but true) comment to one of them. This is the one part about being in a "communication" program that I hate. No matter what someone does, or how crappy the work is that they produce, you gotta find a "nice" way to tell them.
I'm sorry. If I put 15 minutes of work into my part of a group project, I would hope that someone would tell me my work is crap. And yes, it will be rude, but I would deserve it.
THIS IS GRADUATE SCHOOL PEOPLE. PRODUCE GRADUATE SCHOOL LEVEL WORK. Its not rocket science, its just writing a paper. Sheesh.
So anyway, my profs have the luxury of being able to read most of our communication and were able to see where I tried to flog my team into production and failed miserably. They were kind and still gave me (us) a good grade for...well...crap work.
And so, on top of work changes, graduate school, and gym comments, I have decided to try my hand at another Les Mills program. They have a version of kickboxing that they want to bring to our gym and I have committed to doing the training for it. No matter that I have never even taken a kickboxing class, much less teach it. This should be interesting.
Work issues seem to have calmed down a bit. Life is still hectic as my work load there has just tripled, but again, I'm not complaining. I am employed, which is more than several hundred people out there can say. So we are still in the midst of transition and nobody has any clue what the hell they should be doing, where they should be going, or what work is a priority to produce. We still have not really seen any new managers, but again, I am at work, and getting paid.
So lets see, other than that, I just got done with the group project from hell for my class. It wasn't really the project from hell, rather the group from hell. And through the frustration of having to deal with 3 people suffering from short timers I managed to make a really crappy (but true) comment to one of them. This is the one part about being in a "communication" program that I hate. No matter what someone does, or how crappy the work is that they produce, you gotta find a "nice" way to tell them.
I'm sorry. If I put 15 minutes of work into my part of a group project, I would hope that someone would tell me my work is crap. And yes, it will be rude, but I would deserve it.
THIS IS GRADUATE SCHOOL PEOPLE. PRODUCE GRADUATE SCHOOL LEVEL WORK. Its not rocket science, its just writing a paper. Sheesh.
So anyway, my profs have the luxury of being able to read most of our communication and were able to see where I tried to flog my team into production and failed miserably. They were kind and still gave me (us) a good grade for...well...crap work.
And so, on top of work changes, graduate school, and gym comments, I have decided to try my hand at another Les Mills program. They have a version of kickboxing that they want to bring to our gym and I have committed to doing the training for it. No matter that I have never even taken a kickboxing class, much less teach it. This should be interesting.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Employed!
So, it is official. I got my offer letter and come October 1st, I will still be employed! Life is good. I will be doing the same job, in the same location, but with a bit more responsibility, which is ok. Not everyone got the same deal I did, so I consider myself one of the lucky ones.
That box is checked. And while that is good, I have not been back to running. I don't think I am going to run any more until next Spring. I just don't want to do it right now.
Short post for today as I am typing this at work, and I guess I should go do some actual work. Of course now I need to find some other interesting factoid of my life to write about.
That box is checked. And while that is good, I have not been back to running. I don't think I am going to run any more until next Spring. I just don't want to do it right now.
Short post for today as I am typing this at work, and I guess I should go do some actual work. Of course now I need to find some other interesting factoid of my life to write about.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Distracted
Things with work are still in limbo. Information changes daily. At the beginning of the week I got a call that I was going to be picked up by the "new company" (which is good) but now today we got confirmation that the project I work for will be shut down in the next four months. Great. So as of right now I still don't have any idea what my employment looks like.
I think the stress of not knowing is finally starting to really get to me. I went out for a run tonight and once again, it just sucked. The weather is beyond gorgeous right now, and everytime I go out my body just protests. I mean, geez, tonight about half way through my (so-long) four miles I got a cramp. Not a side cramp, not a leg cramp, but a cramp in my back, right behind my left shoulder blade. I didn't even know you could cramp there.
I am just a little tired of everything right now. I feel very unsettled and its making me cranky. I am back to my usual state of feeling like I am fighting my weight and my trips into the gym have been less than stellar all around. I am back in class, but its hard to get focused when I am constantly asking whether or not this class is going to make any difference if I can't finish the program.
During my run I thought quite a bit about the blogs I follow (don't ask my why). I follow this one because I want to be like her.
http://amateurtrigirl.blogspot.com/
I just think if she can do it, so can I. I just wish I had the time to dedicate to the training the she apparently does.
I follow a lot of blogs that deal with weight loss. I like these because they seem to be incredibly insightful.
http://www.dietgirl.org/ and http://iamthatgirlnow.blogspot.com/ (on this second one, it looks as if she is no longer posting, but if you have a mintue, she has a ton of writing on her page and some of it is incredible).
I have several blogs of friends I follow just to keep up on their lives (much the point of this blog). But then I follow this one to just remind myself of how lucky I am.
http://sccsdecker.blogspot.com/
I have so much in my life. I have my health, I have a husband, I have friends. Which is why I don't understand why I let this job thing bug me so much. In the grand scheme of things, its just not that important.
I can say it. But deep down, for some reason, I don't believe it.
I think the stress of not knowing is finally starting to really get to me. I went out for a run tonight and once again, it just sucked. The weather is beyond gorgeous right now, and everytime I go out my body just protests. I mean, geez, tonight about half way through my (so-long) four miles I got a cramp. Not a side cramp, not a leg cramp, but a cramp in my back, right behind my left shoulder blade. I didn't even know you could cramp there.
I am just a little tired of everything right now. I feel very unsettled and its making me cranky. I am back to my usual state of feeling like I am fighting my weight and my trips into the gym have been less than stellar all around. I am back in class, but its hard to get focused when I am constantly asking whether or not this class is going to make any difference if I can't finish the program.
During my run I thought quite a bit about the blogs I follow (don't ask my why). I follow this one because I want to be like her.
http://amateurtrigirl.blogspot.com/
I just think if she can do it, so can I. I just wish I had the time to dedicate to the training the she apparently does.
I follow a lot of blogs that deal with weight loss. I like these because they seem to be incredibly insightful.
http://www.dietgirl.org/ and http://iamthatgirlnow.blogspot.com/ (on this second one, it looks as if she is no longer posting, but if you have a mintue, she has a ton of writing on her page and some of it is incredible).
I have several blogs of friends I follow just to keep up on their lives (much the point of this blog). But then I follow this one to just remind myself of how lucky I am.
http://sccsdecker.blogspot.com/
I have so much in my life. I have my health, I have a husband, I have friends. Which is why I don't understand why I let this job thing bug me so much. In the grand scheme of things, its just not that important.
I can say it. But deep down, for some reason, I don't believe it.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Taking time out for something positive
Ok, enough of the doom and gloom for one post.
I just had one of the most amazing weekends I have had in a long time. Amazing not because I did anything special just amazing because of who it was spent with.
I spent the vast majority of the three day weekend with two other couples. Its kind of interesting because of the three couples, you have one couple who's been dating for a few months, one couple who just got engaged, and then there's Sherman and I who've been married for 2+ years. Makes for some interesting dynamics, but always fun.
What made this amazing was that for the first time I felt like I had a social life in the Tri-Cities. We hung around people who were close to our age, childless, and wanted to go out and have a good time. I have missed this feeling as the only people I really get this with are my two best friends who live far away in opposite directions. So anyway, fun times.
And now I can go back to gloom. I am once again reminded about how much I hate applying for new jobs. Ug.
I just had one of the most amazing weekends I have had in a long time. Amazing not because I did anything special just amazing because of who it was spent with.
I spent the vast majority of the three day weekend with two other couples. Its kind of interesting because of the three couples, you have one couple who's been dating for a few months, one couple who just got engaged, and then there's Sherman and I who've been married for 2+ years. Makes for some interesting dynamics, but always fun.
What made this amazing was that for the first time I felt like I had a social life in the Tri-Cities. We hung around people who were close to our age, childless, and wanted to go out and have a good time. I have missed this feeling as the only people I really get this with are my two best friends who live far away in opposite directions. So anyway, fun times.
And now I can go back to gloom. I am once again reminded about how much I hate applying for new jobs. Ug.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Just when I think I have it all figured out
I think I am going to lose my job. I think in spite of all the reassurances I get from my co-workers that I am indeed going to be unemployed in the near future. I am not happy. I've never done the unemployment thing, don't really want to either.
I am just so mad because I finally get things set. I am finally in a job that pays me what I think I am worth, and I finally get back to school to get the masters I have been seeking for the past 5 years, and now this. They say everything happens for a reason, and I believe that to be true, but in the mean time this is not good.
I think in the long run I can deal with having to find another job. What is more hard for me to think about though is quitting school. Considering I just started and the fact that I really like this program, quitting just seems really unfair. Yes, I know I could continue and incur the ~$25,000 debt, but that just doesn't seem very smart.
The thing that I think I will have the hardest part dealing with is not taking it personally. I am a good worker, I have skills and I know how to use them. Its not my fault the government doesn't want to fund my job. But its hard not to feel a bit like a failure when your waiting for your unemployment check.
I am just so mad because I finally get things set. I am finally in a job that pays me what I think I am worth, and I finally get back to school to get the masters I have been seeking for the past 5 years, and now this. They say everything happens for a reason, and I believe that to be true, but in the mean time this is not good.
I think in the long run I can deal with having to find another job. What is more hard for me to think about though is quitting school. Considering I just started and the fact that I really like this program, quitting just seems really unfair. Yes, I know I could continue and incur the ~$25,000 debt, but that just doesn't seem very smart.
The thing that I think I will have the hardest part dealing with is not taking it personally. I am a good worker, I have skills and I know how to use them. Its not my fault the government doesn't want to fund my job. But its hard not to feel a bit like a failure when your waiting for your unemployment check.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
What do my thoughts compel or provoke me to do?
So I have been sitting here for the last hour thumbing through various blogs on this site because I am doing public tours today and the time I have between groups is not enough time to actually be productive with work, so I sit read blogs.
I am amazed at how many blogs are essentially glorified myspace pages. I guess there is no manual that says a blog should be like an online diary, but for the life of me, I can't find any blogs where people have written much...about anything. Lots of blogs about families, A TON of blogs in lanuages I can't read, and a lot of business blogs (which I am enjoying the ones for photographers).
So after all that, i am inclined to want to post a photo or two here. I feel like its needed. But again, isn't that why I have a myspace page?
Anyway, no word on the work front yet. I don't expect to hear anything for another couple of weeks, which is hugely annoying, but what is one to do. Sherman has not heard anything on his work either. And I am still on a short break from school, only another week, so I am trying to enjoy it while it lasts.
So, what fills my mind lately is that fact that another summer is winding down, and I look back and ask myself what I have to show for it. And all I can say is, NOT MUCH! I feel like I am wasting these precious days. I wish I was traveling more, doing more fun things with Sherman, spending more time in my kayak or bike, but instead I feel like I spend all my time inside working or at the gym teaching. I told myself I really was going to do something different this summer, not teach at the gym, and spend more time outside enjoying my toys. I keep saying I am going to take the kayak someplace fun, and yet never seem to venture off the Columbia.
This is just one of the many frustrations I have going on right now, but the only one i feel safe to share here. The other ones I am trying to deal with on an internal basis as so not spread my pissy-ness about the world.
But yet I have to look around me, at all the good things going on in my life, and remind myself that its just not that bad.
I am amazed at how many blogs are essentially glorified myspace pages. I guess there is no manual that says a blog should be like an online diary, but for the life of me, I can't find any blogs where people have written much...about anything. Lots of blogs about families, A TON of blogs in lanuages I can't read, and a lot of business blogs (which I am enjoying the ones for photographers).
So after all that, i am inclined to want to post a photo or two here. I feel like its needed. But again, isn't that why I have a myspace page?
Anyway, no word on the work front yet. I don't expect to hear anything for another couple of weeks, which is hugely annoying, but what is one to do. Sherman has not heard anything on his work either. And I am still on a short break from school, only another week, so I am trying to enjoy it while it lasts.
So, what fills my mind lately is that fact that another summer is winding down, and I look back and ask myself what I have to show for it. And all I can say is, NOT MUCH! I feel like I am wasting these precious days. I wish I was traveling more, doing more fun things with Sherman, spending more time in my kayak or bike, but instead I feel like I spend all my time inside working or at the gym teaching. I told myself I really was going to do something different this summer, not teach at the gym, and spend more time outside enjoying my toys. I keep saying I am going to take the kayak someplace fun, and yet never seem to venture off the Columbia.
This is just one of the many frustrations I have going on right now, but the only one i feel safe to share here. The other ones I am trying to deal with on an internal basis as so not spread my pissy-ness about the world.
But yet I have to look around me, at all the good things going on in my life, and remind myself that its just not that bad.
Friday, August 22, 2008
I hate running
I don't know why I think I can be a runner. It took everything I had to flog myself out of bed this morning (at 5:00 am) to get a run in before we leave for Bellingham today. Real runners should love getting up at this time of the morning to watch the sunrise while they do something they enjoy. I just dont' think I am a real runner. But I have entered this stupid second half marathon and I am just dreading the fact I dont' feel trained for it.
Drrrrr. Anyway, headed back up to Bellingham today to race. Weather should be nice, so that is good. But I think we are going to come home tomorrow which kind of sucks just because it makes it such a short trip.
Drrrrr. Anyway, headed back up to Bellingham today to race. Weather should be nice, so that is good. But I think we are going to come home tomorrow which kind of sucks just because it makes it such a short trip.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
I suck at blogging...
You know, as much as I thought it was a novel concept to keep a journal, I was never much good at it. Why did I think I would be any better at an electronic version?
Anyway, life continues to be hectic. Turned 27 last Friday (as exciting as that is) it seems like every year I turn a year older, and that age just sounds so old. To me, 27 sounds way older than 26. Ug. But mom and I went up to Spokane for a bit of retail therapy, had some fun, and didn't spend too much money.
Life continues to kind of be weird on the job front. I should know more tomorrow as to whether or not I will be employed and if my new employer has tuition reimbursement. I got an A- out of my first class, so I am feeling pretty good and would like to continue. Its been a though question in my mind as to what I will do if this new company does not reimburse. I have wanted my masters for so long, but do i want it if it means a large student loan. I just don't know.
On a lighter note, it has become apparent I am a complete glutton for punishement and have entered another half marathon. I really was not planning on doing another one, but I have a co-worker who seems to think it would be really neat if we had this competition with each other and do the race together. I finally got tired of him bugging me about it and entered. So I have not a whole lot of time to get my self ready for this race. The only real reason why I am doing it is because I am interested in seeing what my time would be doing a race that is flat, with good weather, and not feeling like crap (all factors in the sub-par half marathon I ran last April). So we shall see, none the less it will be interesting.
I will try and do better about posting during this next couple of weeks I am off from school.
Anyway, life continues to be hectic. Turned 27 last Friday (as exciting as that is) it seems like every year I turn a year older, and that age just sounds so old. To me, 27 sounds way older than 26. Ug. But mom and I went up to Spokane for a bit of retail therapy, had some fun, and didn't spend too much money.
Life continues to kind of be weird on the job front. I should know more tomorrow as to whether or not I will be employed and if my new employer has tuition reimbursement. I got an A- out of my first class, so I am feeling pretty good and would like to continue. Its been a though question in my mind as to what I will do if this new company does not reimburse. I have wanted my masters for so long, but do i want it if it means a large student loan. I just don't know.
On a lighter note, it has become apparent I am a complete glutton for punishement and have entered another half marathon. I really was not planning on doing another one, but I have a co-worker who seems to think it would be really neat if we had this competition with each other and do the race together. I finally got tired of him bugging me about it and entered. So I have not a whole lot of time to get my self ready for this race. The only real reason why I am doing it is because I am interested in seeing what my time would be doing a race that is flat, with good weather, and not feeling like crap (all factors in the sub-par half marathon I ran last April). So we shall see, none the less it will be interesting.
I will try and do better about posting during this next couple of weeks I am off from school.
Friday, July 25, 2008
The world has lost a kind soul
While signing on to read email, I caught the headline that Randy Pausch died this morning. I am truly saddened by this. I know I am just one of millions when I say I have been truly touched by his words, but this man really did leave a mark before he died.
One of my best friends turned me onto his "last lecture" and somedays I feel like I should watch it again just for the reminder of what life is really about. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what is going to happen with my job, or with school, or on all the things that aren't going right with my life, I lose focus of what is.
I have a great husband and a good job. I have a supportive family and good health. I dont' have pancreatic cancer. The last one was more than Randy could say, but he never dwelled on it. One of the things he did dwell on was deciding if you are going to be a Tigger or an Eyore. I think I have spent too much time not being a Tigger.
I think in the end what made Randy so popular was the fact he was a normal guy. Granted the guy did some brillant things and was a renown professor, but I think to most, he was a normal guy with a great message. The whole point behind his message was nothing to earth shattering, but Randy was the kind of guy you could listen to, and because he was such a great story teller (as opposed to lecturer) you were instantly wrapped up in his life.
So though I never personally new the guy, I can say that today is a sad day because he is gone.
One of my best friends turned me onto his "last lecture" and somedays I feel like I should watch it again just for the reminder of what life is really about. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what is going to happen with my job, or with school, or on all the things that aren't going right with my life, I lose focus of what is.
I have a great husband and a good job. I have a supportive family and good health. I dont' have pancreatic cancer. The last one was more than Randy could say, but he never dwelled on it. One of the things he did dwell on was deciding if you are going to be a Tigger or an Eyore. I think I have spent too much time not being a Tigger.
I think in the end what made Randy so popular was the fact he was a normal guy. Granted the guy did some brillant things and was a renown professor, but I think to most, he was a normal guy with a great message. The whole point behind his message was nothing to earth shattering, but Randy was the kind of guy you could listen to, and because he was such a great story teller (as opposed to lecturer) you were instantly wrapped up in his life.
So though I never personally new the guy, I can say that today is a sad day because he is gone.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Holy crap life got busy
But really, what did I expect?
So you all probably figured out that school started - noted by the fact I havent posted anything in a month. Sorry about that. But I am on the downhill run of my first class so hopefully I can be better about posting.
School aside, life has been a little stressful for me. DOE recently announced the awarding of the contracts where I work. To keep it simple, the company I work for did not win the contract I work for. So within the next 60 days one of three things will happen...
1. I will go to work for a different company.
2. I will go to work for a different contract.
3. I become unemployed.
Obviously we are not voting for number 3. On top of that the DH's work just merged with another company and today when we picked up 3 days worth of mail, there was a rather thick packet from his current employer.
"What the heck is that hon?"
"That is my walking papers".
"WHAT!!!!!????"
"Ya, they are firing all of us and making us reapply for our jobs".
Ok, yes I realize that this is just a formality and he will most likely get his job back, but this has completly freaked me out. So technically, there is a chance (a very small chance, but a chance nonetheless) that within the next 60 days, we may both be unemployed. And that makes me very uneasy. But for the sake of my sanity and sleeping patters, I am not going to dwell on it.
I just got home from 4 days in Bellingham participating in the blessed Clay Cup event. This is Christmas to my inlaws and a bit of a marathon event for me. A marathon event because it encompasses lots of racing, late nights (with lots of beer) and A TON of people of whom I would not normally associate with. Don't get me wrong, I really like a lot of the people who are regulars to this track, but since this is a special event, it attracts some people of different backgrounds from all over this state as well as others near by. These are the type of people who will be yelling the F word all the way across the track campground at like 5 in the morning. These are the type of people I like to label as "mouth breathers". But I survived, and though the DH didn't have a very good weekend (car broke, car wrecked, car broke...you get the point) it was nice to be back (as I have not attended this event for the last 3 years).
Probably the best part of the weekend was that mom housesat for us and cleaned. My mother has a level of cleanliness that can only be described using words such as "sterile" and "hospital-like", but I love it when she cleans for me. So it was nice to come home to a clean abode.
And if you are keeping score, checked in with Hobbs, the orange cat who now belongs to my brother-in-law and his family, and he could not be happier. They love him and he loves being there. So I guess things really do happen for a reason, and I am glad he is happy.
Of course, not as happy as Thule is that he is gone.
So you all probably figured out that school started - noted by the fact I havent posted anything in a month. Sorry about that. But I am on the downhill run of my first class so hopefully I can be better about posting.
School aside, life has been a little stressful for me. DOE recently announced the awarding of the contracts where I work. To keep it simple, the company I work for did not win the contract I work for. So within the next 60 days one of three things will happen...
1. I will go to work for a different company.
2. I will go to work for a different contract.
3. I become unemployed.
Obviously we are not voting for number 3. On top of that the DH's work just merged with another company and today when we picked up 3 days worth of mail, there was a rather thick packet from his current employer.
"What the heck is that hon?"
"That is my walking papers".
"WHAT!!!!!????"
"Ya, they are firing all of us and making us reapply for our jobs".
Ok, yes I realize that this is just a formality and he will most likely get his job back, but this has completly freaked me out. So technically, there is a chance (a very small chance, but a chance nonetheless) that within the next 60 days, we may both be unemployed. And that makes me very uneasy. But for the sake of my sanity and sleeping patters, I am not going to dwell on it.
I just got home from 4 days in Bellingham participating in the blessed Clay Cup event. This is Christmas to my inlaws and a bit of a marathon event for me. A marathon event because it encompasses lots of racing, late nights (with lots of beer) and A TON of people of whom I would not normally associate with. Don't get me wrong, I really like a lot of the people who are regulars to this track, but since this is a special event, it attracts some people of different backgrounds from all over this state as well as others near by. These are the type of people who will be yelling the F word all the way across the track campground at like 5 in the morning. These are the type of people I like to label as "mouth breathers". But I survived, and though the DH didn't have a very good weekend (car broke, car wrecked, car broke...you get the point) it was nice to be back (as I have not attended this event for the last 3 years).
Probably the best part of the weekend was that mom housesat for us and cleaned. My mother has a level of cleanliness that can only be described using words such as "sterile" and "hospital-like", but I love it when she cleans for me. So it was nice to come home to a clean abode.
And if you are keeping score, checked in with Hobbs, the orange cat who now belongs to my brother-in-law and his family, and he could not be happier. They love him and he loves being there. So I guess things really do happen for a reason, and I am glad he is happy.
Of course, not as happy as Thule is that he is gone.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Father Time
Last weekend was decent. Had a good ride in Seattle with one of my best friends. Well, actually after kind of a scattered start to the morning (which included the friend hitting another car on the way into the park, and me forgetting my helmet which made us have to go get another one)we got started on one of the hardest rides I have ever done.
So on the way home, since Sunday was Father's Day, I decided to spend the day with the folks. Dad and I went out to play nine holes. While it was nice, it was a further reminder of why I have such a hard time spending time with my parents. My Dad will be 75 in December and there are times he shows his age. I guess no one wants to think about their parents getting old, and it seems like I am thinking about it more and more. I am thankful that he is healthy, but it makes me sad when I see he can't do some of the stuff he loves because he just doesn't have the movement. Its even worse when he starts talking about things and events he won't live long enough to see.
I feel bad my two sisters are not around more to share in this time of Dad's life. I wish they were, if maybe only because it would give me someone else to bounce feelings off of.
And to top things off, I have a gigantic zit on my forhead that I think just keeps getting bigger. Sheesh.
So on the way home, since Sunday was Father's Day, I decided to spend the day with the folks. Dad and I went out to play nine holes. While it was nice, it was a further reminder of why I have such a hard time spending time with my parents. My Dad will be 75 in December and there are times he shows his age. I guess no one wants to think about their parents getting old, and it seems like I am thinking about it more and more. I am thankful that he is healthy, but it makes me sad when I see he can't do some of the stuff he loves because he just doesn't have the movement. Its even worse when he starts talking about things and events he won't live long enough to see.
I feel bad my two sisters are not around more to share in this time of Dad's life. I wish they were, if maybe only because it would give me someone else to bounce feelings off of.
And to top things off, I have a gigantic zit on my forhead that I think just keeps getting bigger. Sheesh.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
What to do?
Gotta make this one kinda short - headed off for jury duty soon.
So last Friday I brought home a cat. Now, keeping in mind I already have one cat and one dog, but the cat needed a home and I think we have room for one more.
I love this cat. His name is Hobbs and he is just great. Problem is, no one else in the house seems to care much for him. The dog doesn't mind him, (but he doesn't like the dog) Thule HATES HIM WITH A HUGE AMOUNT OF CAT PASSION and I while the DH says he likes him, I think he really doesn't want another cat.
So we made arrangements for the in-laws who live in Mt. Vernon to take him. My sister-in-law called last night to say they would take him and I was instantly sad. I was sad all night last night. I feel guilty for bringing him into this house of strife and now I am going to move him again. I really don't want to. I really want to keep him.
Everyone I talked to says to just give the other animals time and they will become okay with each other. I tend to agree with this, but the DH doesn't think our other cat will ever be accepting. Now I have this issue of the in-laws say they want him, so can I re-nig?
I guess I just don't know what is right for Hobbs. I wish I could just ask him what he wanted to do.
So last Friday I brought home a cat. Now, keeping in mind I already have one cat and one dog, but the cat needed a home and I think we have room for one more.
I love this cat. His name is Hobbs and he is just great. Problem is, no one else in the house seems to care much for him. The dog doesn't mind him, (but he doesn't like the dog) Thule HATES HIM WITH A HUGE AMOUNT OF CAT PASSION and I while the DH says he likes him, I think he really doesn't want another cat.
So we made arrangements for the in-laws who live in Mt. Vernon to take him. My sister-in-law called last night to say they would take him and I was instantly sad. I was sad all night last night. I feel guilty for bringing him into this house of strife and now I am going to move him again. I really don't want to. I really want to keep him.
Everyone I talked to says to just give the other animals time and they will become okay with each other. I tend to agree with this, but the DH doesn't think our other cat will ever be accepting. Now I have this issue of the in-laws say they want him, so can I re-nig?
I guess I just don't know what is right for Hobbs. I wish I could just ask him what he wanted to do.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Life is so good right now I can hardly stand it
I like the fact I can change the colors of my blog. I may do it often.
So right now I am sitting at my new computer, listening to a great cd, drinking a glass of wine, and listening to my otherwise quiet house.
::Hold on, gotta go get a refill::
Ok then. My house is quiet because the husband is out of town and the dog and cat don't make much noise. When the DH is gone, I don't ever turn on the television (with the exception of tomorrow night when I watch my Netflix movie 27 Dresses - oh ya, baby its a girl night).
I swear, I would probably be perfectly content with just the minimal of what I would need to watch the occasional movie and never any television. But I digress.
I don't know at what point it was in my relationship that I started really looking forward to nights by myself. Last night the DH tells me that he is sad I won't be joining him this weekend. My first reaction was of course "ahh...thats sweet". But not too far behind that was "I am so looking forward to this time by myself..so I'm really not that sad to not be going" (I didn't tell him that, but I am pretty sure he knows anyway).
I came home, made a nice healthy dinner of blue hake fish, some white rice (leftover) and spinich (and of course wine) and have been having such a nice night. Its too bad I have to go work tomorrow or this night would be absolutley perfect. I guess to a degree I think (or, I hope?) this is a sign of a healthy marriage. I can enjoy my time around him (though I wish we did more quality activities together) but when he is gone I dont' have to sit at home missing and pining away.
In other news, I officially have 10 days left before I start school. Which brings me to the re-occuring question I have as to how long I will be able to keep the gym up and do class. One of the other instructors at the gym quit this week and while I was sorry to see her go, I was a bit envious. The gym thing is difficult for me, and I think it will only continue to get more difficult. I really want to quit, but nights like tonight make it so hard to actually walk away.
I had a pretty full class tonight. And it was one of those classes where everyone was "there". I didn't feel like I had to do much motiviating and eventhough I was super sore and tired from 4 straight days of working out, when all was said and done, I was still 700 calories lighter and drenched with sweat. That does not come from self-motivation. It comes from the energy I get back from the members who are obviously digging my coaching (hmm...maybe they are just digging the music and are actually tuning me out all together).
(note to self: gotta take the litter box out of the office because listening to the cat pee is ruining my serene moment.)
Anyway, then there are my regulars who tell me how much they love me. I love that, but there is such a huge part of me that just wants to be a participant. I just want to work out and not have to think. Ahh, but maybe that is just laziness. Who knows, I don't want to think about it.
So right now I am sitting at my new computer, listening to a great cd, drinking a glass of wine, and listening to my otherwise quiet house.
::Hold on, gotta go get a refill::
Ok then. My house is quiet because the husband is out of town and the dog and cat don't make much noise. When the DH is gone, I don't ever turn on the television (with the exception of tomorrow night when I watch my Netflix movie 27 Dresses - oh ya, baby its a girl night).
I swear, I would probably be perfectly content with just the minimal of what I would need to watch the occasional movie and never any television. But I digress.
I don't know at what point it was in my relationship that I started really looking forward to nights by myself. Last night the DH tells me that he is sad I won't be joining him this weekend. My first reaction was of course "ahh...thats sweet". But not too far behind that was "I am so looking forward to this time by myself..so I'm really not that sad to not be going" (I didn't tell him that, but I am pretty sure he knows anyway).
I came home, made a nice healthy dinner of blue hake fish, some white rice (leftover) and spinich (and of course wine) and have been having such a nice night. Its too bad I have to go work tomorrow or this night would be absolutley perfect. I guess to a degree I think (or, I hope?) this is a sign of a healthy marriage. I can enjoy my time around him (though I wish we did more quality activities together) but when he is gone I dont' have to sit at home missing and pining away.
In other news, I officially have 10 days left before I start school. Which brings me to the re-occuring question I have as to how long I will be able to keep the gym up and do class. One of the other instructors at the gym quit this week and while I was sorry to see her go, I was a bit envious. The gym thing is difficult for me, and I think it will only continue to get more difficult. I really want to quit, but nights like tonight make it so hard to actually walk away.
I had a pretty full class tonight. And it was one of those classes where everyone was "there". I didn't feel like I had to do much motiviating and eventhough I was super sore and tired from 4 straight days of working out, when all was said and done, I was still 700 calories lighter and drenched with sweat. That does not come from self-motivation. It comes from the energy I get back from the members who are obviously digging my coaching (hmm...maybe they are just digging the music and are actually tuning me out all together).
(note to self: gotta take the litter box out of the office because listening to the cat pee is ruining my serene moment.)
Anyway, then there are my regulars who tell me how much they love me. I love that, but there is such a huge part of me that just wants to be a participant. I just want to work out and not have to think. Ahh, but maybe that is just laziness. Who knows, I don't want to think about it.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
The Tuesday that was such a Monday
I had a miserable day. I am still having a miserable day as I am dealing with the remains of a migraine I got while attempting to do class. Normally when I have tried to get migrains during class I can work through them, but not tonight and I actually had to cut my 60 minute class short. I felt horrible doing it, but I figured up-chucking my lunch in front of the members wasn't going to do anything for my numbers.
So I came home and the DH was making dinner, and not only made dinner, but cleaned the kitchen all while I tried to nap my way out of this headache (is it really a nap at 7:00 at night?). And that was probably the best part of the day.
Work was just crappy today. I love my job. I really do. The problem is, is that I am so inexperienced at my job and my work life that sometimes is just makes things really difficult. If there is one thing I don't deal real well with is looking stupid infront of other people. And I feel like I have done a lot of that lately. People at work are very understanding and willing to work with me, and that helps, but I hate not being able to be confident in what I do. And I have felt that way since I left my last job over a year ago. I know it takes time, but I am your typical impatient girl.
Tomorrow is another day. And I am golfing tomorrow. So that will either be really good, or really bad. Lets hope for really good.
So I came home and the DH was making dinner, and not only made dinner, but cleaned the kitchen all while I tried to nap my way out of this headache (is it really a nap at 7:00 at night?). And that was probably the best part of the day.
Work was just crappy today. I love my job. I really do. The problem is, is that I am so inexperienced at my job and my work life that sometimes is just makes things really difficult. If there is one thing I don't deal real well with is looking stupid infront of other people. And I feel like I have done a lot of that lately. People at work are very understanding and willing to work with me, and that helps, but I hate not being able to be confident in what I do. And I have felt that way since I left my last job over a year ago. I know it takes time, but I am your typical impatient girl.
Tomorrow is another day. And I am golfing tomorrow. So that will either be really good, or really bad. Lets hope for really good.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Introspection
I think thats a word anyway....
I have thought a couple times about the direction I want to take this blog. I don't know that my life is interesting enough to do just sort of a "this is what I am doing now" blog (perhaps that will change after children enter the picture) so that brings me to writing about some sort of journey, but again, what journey do I feel the need to write about?
Some of my favorite blogs are about people and weight loss. Problem is, while I have lost some weight and I struggle everyday with keeping it off, I don't know I have a driving desire to rountinely publish my thoughts about food and exercise (though I do occasionaly enjoy a rant about the gym).
I do spend a lot of time looking at my life "from above". Who am I, and what brings me to act the way I do, and feel the way I do about things? Again, is any of this really worth publishing in a format able to read by anyone? (most of whom probably don't care?)I don't really know. Sometimes I fight such an empty feeling and I don't know what it is that causes it. Sometimes I think its a lack of girlfriends here, and some times I think not. I just know that I have filled my life FULL of activities and yet....
But perhaps these are thoughts and feelings better left for not so public places. So for something a bit lighter...I am currently struggling with how much longer I am going to continue my position at the gym. School is starting soon and I know I am going to need the time after work, but it seems like every class I have someone who lets me know how much they enjoy my class and the way I teach. Its so nice to feel loved. Too many activities Fallon, too many activities. More on this later.
I have thought a couple times about the direction I want to take this blog. I don't know that my life is interesting enough to do just sort of a "this is what I am doing now" blog (perhaps that will change after children enter the picture) so that brings me to writing about some sort of journey, but again, what journey do I feel the need to write about?
Some of my favorite blogs are about people and weight loss. Problem is, while I have lost some weight and I struggle everyday with keeping it off, I don't know I have a driving desire to rountinely publish my thoughts about food and exercise (though I do occasionaly enjoy a rant about the gym).
I do spend a lot of time looking at my life "from above". Who am I, and what brings me to act the way I do, and feel the way I do about things? Again, is any of this really worth publishing in a format able to read by anyone? (most of whom probably don't care?)I don't really know. Sometimes I fight such an empty feeling and I don't know what it is that causes it. Sometimes I think its a lack of girlfriends here, and some times I think not. I just know that I have filled my life FULL of activities and yet....
But perhaps these are thoughts and feelings better left for not so public places. So for something a bit lighter...I am currently struggling with how much longer I am going to continue my position at the gym. School is starting soon and I know I am going to need the time after work, but it seems like every class I have someone who lets me know how much they enjoy my class and the way I teach. Its so nice to feel loved. Too many activities Fallon, too many activities. More on this later.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
McBurndt
At last...the sun. Glorious, glorious sun. Spent all weekend out in the sun. Regretting it now.
Moving on to more interesting matters. On Friday I received word that I have officially been accepted to graduate school at Gonzaga. Apparently I am the talk of the admissions office as I completed my application file in 9 days (a process that normally takes 6-8 weeks). My speed of completion was significantly helped by the fact that, unlike WSU Tri-Cities, Gonzaga will accept my less than stellar GMAT score (so I didn't have to take another admissions exam...THANK GOD). In a way I guess I am glad I got it done quickly. Gave me less time to talk myself out of it.
And on Friday my admissions counselor asks me how I feel after he tells me the news. Of course the first emotion is excitement, but following very close behind is "scared shitless". I have been out of school for 4 years. I feel a bit out of practice on this whole studying business. Plus now my life is ultracomplicated by jobs, husband, gym, trying to keep myself from becoming a fat cow....
But I digress. I am scared, but I just keep telling myself that I will be fine. I can do this, it will all be ok. On Saturday I went to a graduation for a friend who was receiving her masters and it kind of reinforced my feelings of how bad I want this. I guess I am just relying on the fact that everything just kind of seems to be falling into place which tells me this is right. This is what I should be doing. I just hope I still feel that way after I start repaying the student loan.
As a side note, to answer the obvious question of "how are you going to go to Gonzaga while living in Tri-Cities", the answer is "online". This is another new avenue for me. One which I would not have taken except I live in the shittiest part of the start for higher education (unless you want a degree in a hard science field, there is exactly no options for normal folk). So again, new experiences.
But hey, these new experiences are leading to new stuff, which is always fun. On Thursday I ordered a new computer because something tells me that my little Compaq laptop probably won't cut it for the type of computer work I am going to be doing.
But as exciting as all this is, at the end of this beautiful weekend, my little kayak did not see water. This makes me a bit sad. I fear a bit that now I will have one more reason to not be out enjoying my toys. But I am going to put that guilt aside for right now and promise I will get it out on Wednesday. Hopefully the weather will be good.
Moving on to more interesting matters. On Friday I received word that I have officially been accepted to graduate school at Gonzaga. Apparently I am the talk of the admissions office as I completed my application file in 9 days (a process that normally takes 6-8 weeks). My speed of completion was significantly helped by the fact that, unlike WSU Tri-Cities, Gonzaga will accept my less than stellar GMAT score (so I didn't have to take another admissions exam...THANK GOD). In a way I guess I am glad I got it done quickly. Gave me less time to talk myself out of it.
And on Friday my admissions counselor asks me how I feel after he tells me the news. Of course the first emotion is excitement, but following very close behind is "scared shitless". I have been out of school for 4 years. I feel a bit out of practice on this whole studying business. Plus now my life is ultracomplicated by jobs, husband, gym, trying to keep myself from becoming a fat cow....
But I digress. I am scared, but I just keep telling myself that I will be fine. I can do this, it will all be ok. On Saturday I went to a graduation for a friend who was receiving her masters and it kind of reinforced my feelings of how bad I want this. I guess I am just relying on the fact that everything just kind of seems to be falling into place which tells me this is right. This is what I should be doing. I just hope I still feel that way after I start repaying the student loan.
As a side note, to answer the obvious question of "how are you going to go to Gonzaga while living in Tri-Cities", the answer is "online". This is another new avenue for me. One which I would not have taken except I live in the shittiest part of the start for higher education (unless you want a degree in a hard science field, there is exactly no options for normal folk). So again, new experiences.
But hey, these new experiences are leading to new stuff, which is always fun. On Thursday I ordered a new computer because something tells me that my little Compaq laptop probably won't cut it for the type of computer work I am going to be doing.
But as exciting as all this is, at the end of this beautiful weekend, my little kayak did not see water. This makes me a bit sad. I fear a bit that now I will have one more reason to not be out enjoying my toys. But I am going to put that guilt aside for right now and promise I will get it out on Wednesday. Hopefully the weather will be good.
Monday, May 12, 2008
ride from hell
So Inland Empire. Ya, Inland Empire Century. The whole fricken 100 miles of this stupid ride. Why do I do this ride? I don't really know. Always seems like a good idea to start, then quickly turns sour.
On Friday after work I was little miss proactive and went to the bike store for new tubes. We do live in goathead country and one can never be too prepared. So I walk in the store (which has like a bizillion people in it because half of Tri-Cities has the same bright idea) and it occurs to me that I don't remember the size of my bike tires. So I told a guy who worked there what bike I had and he's like "oh ya, you need "X" tire tubes". Great, I buy 3.
So at 9:00 that night I am packing my car for the next mornings early departure and I look at my tires only to discover I actually have "y" tires, and the "x" tubes, won't fit. Thats ok, I think, I have a spare. Well, I pick up my bike only to find out my front tire is flat. Ok, so apparently I don't have a spare. But surely I can buy some at the ride tomorrow. Well, the only size they have at all at the ride are more "X" sized tubes.
So I call the DH and inform him that if I get a flat he is picking my happy ass up because I have no way to fix it. Well I wasn't lucky enough to get a flat. Nope, not me. Got to finish the whole ride. All...100...miles...of....it.
It occurs to me while I am heafting my fat ass up Webber Canyon (emphasis on the canyon) that I need to quit judging my athletic ability by how well I can do STP or by the fact I do spin class 2 or three times a week. Obviously thats not cutting it. Obviously my workout regimine needs to be broadened a bit.
But I finished. Sore and grumpy, and 3000 calories lighter, but finished. Of course that paled in comparison to the mothers day dinner I had to endure later that night. Actually the dinner was lovely, the food was great. What was painful was 15 minutes of the mother and the DH talking babies. And the fact my mother seems to think I should be having twins. Dear God, please kill me NOW.
So I should have an answer by next week as to whether or not I have been accepted to Grad school. I am excited. Scared shitless but excited. I do feel the pressure now to "get in, get it done, and get out" as sherman has officially cleared up the "two year plan" and I'm sure you can figure out that thats not the plan for another dog.
Everything will be fine. I just keep trying to tell myself that as I subtly start to hyperventilate.
On Friday after work I was little miss proactive and went to the bike store for new tubes. We do live in goathead country and one can never be too prepared. So I walk in the store (which has like a bizillion people in it because half of Tri-Cities has the same bright idea) and it occurs to me that I don't remember the size of my bike tires. So I told a guy who worked there what bike I had and he's like "oh ya, you need "X" tire tubes". Great, I buy 3.
So at 9:00 that night I am packing my car for the next mornings early departure and I look at my tires only to discover I actually have "y" tires, and the "x" tubes, won't fit. Thats ok, I think, I have a spare. Well, I pick up my bike only to find out my front tire is flat. Ok, so apparently I don't have a spare. But surely I can buy some at the ride tomorrow. Well, the only size they have at all at the ride are more "X" sized tubes.
So I call the DH and inform him that if I get a flat he is picking my happy ass up because I have no way to fix it. Well I wasn't lucky enough to get a flat. Nope, not me. Got to finish the whole ride. All...100...miles...of....it.
It occurs to me while I am heafting my fat ass up Webber Canyon (emphasis on the canyon) that I need to quit judging my athletic ability by how well I can do STP or by the fact I do spin class 2 or three times a week. Obviously thats not cutting it. Obviously my workout regimine needs to be broadened a bit.
But I finished. Sore and grumpy, and 3000 calories lighter, but finished. Of course that paled in comparison to the mothers day dinner I had to endure later that night. Actually the dinner was lovely, the food was great. What was painful was 15 minutes of the mother and the DH talking babies. And the fact my mother seems to think I should be having twins. Dear God, please kill me NOW.
So I should have an answer by next week as to whether or not I have been accepted to Grad school. I am excited. Scared shitless but excited. I do feel the pressure now to "get in, get it done, and get out" as sherman has officially cleared up the "two year plan" and I'm sure you can figure out that thats not the plan for another dog.
Everything will be fine. I just keep trying to tell myself that as I subtly start to hyperventilate.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Yet another step toward my insanity...
So I think one of the main reasons for me starting this blog was as a tool for me to figure out why it seems like I am never content. I have added yet more reasons this week as to why I am convinced I have a problem with being content.
I applied to graduate school this week. No good reason why, other than I found the right program and I work for a company that will help pay for it. Notice how I didn't say "will pay for it out right". This will still end up costing me in the end about $15K. Better than $30K though. But since the day I got my BA, I have wanted the hood to match. I am currently fighting the urge to start next month. My gut instinct tells me I will regret not waiting until summer is over, but I am anxious, I want to start now. Its like, if I don't start now, I have just that much more time to talk myself out of it.
On a bit of a lighter note, I am about to experiment in a study of belief. Tomorrow I am going to do the Inland Empire Century. I have done this ride before, and its not a real easy ride, but I am going to do the whole 100 miles, and I am going to try and do it fast. This is test of belief because I have not ridden outside but about 30 miles. So, I am relying on the idea that spinning has kept me in shape. We shall see.
I will let you know how it goes. I would type more, but I have a lot of stuff to do. Thats been the theme of this whole week.
I applied to graduate school this week. No good reason why, other than I found the right program and I work for a company that will help pay for it. Notice how I didn't say "will pay for it out right". This will still end up costing me in the end about $15K. Better than $30K though. But since the day I got my BA, I have wanted the hood to match. I am currently fighting the urge to start next month. My gut instinct tells me I will regret not waiting until summer is over, but I am anxious, I want to start now. Its like, if I don't start now, I have just that much more time to talk myself out of it.
On a bit of a lighter note, I am about to experiment in a study of belief. Tomorrow I am going to do the Inland Empire Century. I have done this ride before, and its not a real easy ride, but I am going to do the whole 100 miles, and I am going to try and do it fast. This is test of belief because I have not ridden outside but about 30 miles. So, I am relying on the idea that spinning has kept me in shape. We shall see.
I will let you know how it goes. I would type more, but I have a lot of stuff to do. Thats been the theme of this whole week.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
last night in the great AZ heat
I am sad to be going home. Happy to go home because I miss the DH, but sad none the less.
I miss my sister so much. She is so much fun, truely a missing person in my life. But what I think I miss more is the opportunity to influence my neice. My neice is 19 and just graduated a year ago, and has so much life ahead of her. What is more is all the potential I see and how much I hope she will see what I see.
I am coming to realize how hard it can be to influence people. To get them to see what is just a little further than right in front of their noses to the bigger picture. To realize that life is more than the instant gratification and that if you really want something, you have to work for it. There is no free ticket on this ride called life.
God that sounded like a bad commerical. But it is so true.
That stupid thought right there should bring me back to my quest to lose weight. Nothing ever worth having ever came easy. If you want something, you have to work for it. So right now, tonight, I have had my last free night. Tomorrow it is back to square one, back to work. I have to work on my eating, on my attitude, on my outlook, and hopefully I can get back to where I need to be.
On a lighter note, this has been a memorable trip in the sense of a bit of adventure. The dear sis and I had a bit of a run in with a fast river, and in the process, destroyed a canoe. I will post pictures next week (the funny part right now is that when you see the state of the canoe, you will wonder how the camera managed to survive - all I can say is that I am just that good).
Peace Out.
I miss my sister so much. She is so much fun, truely a missing person in my life. But what I think I miss more is the opportunity to influence my neice. My neice is 19 and just graduated a year ago, and has so much life ahead of her. What is more is all the potential I see and how much I hope she will see what I see.
I am coming to realize how hard it can be to influence people. To get them to see what is just a little further than right in front of their noses to the bigger picture. To realize that life is more than the instant gratification and that if you really want something, you have to work for it. There is no free ticket on this ride called life.
God that sounded like a bad commerical. But it is so true.
That stupid thought right there should bring me back to my quest to lose weight. Nothing ever worth having ever came easy. If you want something, you have to work for it. So right now, tonight, I have had my last free night. Tomorrow it is back to square one, back to work. I have to work on my eating, on my attitude, on my outlook, and hopefully I can get back to where I need to be.
On a lighter note, this has been a memorable trip in the sense of a bit of adventure. The dear sis and I had a bit of a run in with a fast river, and in the process, destroyed a canoe. I will post pictures next week (the funny part right now is that when you see the state of the canoe, you will wonder how the camera managed to survive - all I can say is that I am just that good).
Peace Out.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
A blog for my friend Teresa...
who reminds me, if you have a blog, you must post. I have not been good with this and I must apologize.
So I am in Arizona. I am visiting my sister. Now, a bit of background on my sister - she is 20 years my senior and has lived through a hell of a lot more shit than I will ever imagine living through in my life. She is a trooper - she is a survivor - she is the only extended family I really keep in close contact with.
After a good dinner and a couple stout bottles of wine, we get talking about family. Good talks - but it brings me around to my feelings of guilt for not keeping in contact with the people I care about the most. Its so easy once you get married to get wrapped up in the immediate life that is you and your husband, and lose sight of all the people who have influenced, and shaped you to be that person that boy wanted to marry. And these are people who care, and love you.
I have good friends. I tend to focus on the fact I have no good friends at home, but lose sight of the fact that I have so many good people in my life who want to see me, and have fun with me, and I don't see them because I don't make the effort. I have a good friend in Seattle who I have not seen since December. Its MAY - she only lives 3 hours away - and I havent seen her in 5 months! That is shitty. What is more shitty is that I have a great friend in Idaho - only 2.5 hours away who I have not seen since.....well shit, since last summer. She has lived in her own apartment in Idaho for years now, and I have yet to go see her apartment. Why? Becuase I have become so engulfed in my current life that I have lost focus and sight of the other people I care so deeply about.
Hell, my parents live only 80 miles away, and if I see them once a month, its been a good month.
God it sucks growning up. It sucks having to be responsible, and pay bills, and do the constant shit around the house that always needs to be done. But I wish I had a more pragmatic way of looking at life and realizing that all that crap is trivial. What is more important is keeping in touch with my friends and family, who when I hang out with them so quickly remind me of why I love them so much.
Teresa, I miss you. Katie, I miss you. You are the two people who no matter what, brighten my world. But in that world are jobs, families, and husbands/boyfriends - which if you look at the bigger picture, are the things that are supposed to encompass our lives. The bigger picture shows we are supposed to seek out a mate, procreate, grow families. That bigger pictures often does not include close friends - which sucks. For me, that bigger picture also does not include a sister, whom I so dealy love, but lives too far away to play a significant role in my life. If times are good, I see her once a year, in which we spend a week having the time of our lives, which afterwards I cry as I get on a plane to go home, and continue my life, as I know it, without her. Its ok in the sense that I know being an only child, but when I get to experience having a sister, its like getting a new best friend, all over again.
But I have 2 best friends, who live close enough that I should be able to have good relationships with them. But again, life gets in the way and we find ourselves months in between visits. But once I get to see either of these two girls, its like my soul is revived and I have a new lease on life. Good times, good times.
I guess the bottom line here is that I have good things. Lots of good things and good people in my life and if I don't start making an effort to make those people a more prominanat figure in my life, they will be gone, and that will make me sad. I don't make life long friends everyday. I have live in Tri-Cities over 4 years and are just now starting to make that one good friend. I need to not take for granted the people who are significant in my life. The people who love and accept me for me. Those people are hard to find.
So I am in Arizona. I am visiting my sister. Now, a bit of background on my sister - she is 20 years my senior and has lived through a hell of a lot more shit than I will ever imagine living through in my life. She is a trooper - she is a survivor - she is the only extended family I really keep in close contact with.
After a good dinner and a couple stout bottles of wine, we get talking about family. Good talks - but it brings me around to my feelings of guilt for not keeping in contact with the people I care about the most. Its so easy once you get married to get wrapped up in the immediate life that is you and your husband, and lose sight of all the people who have influenced, and shaped you to be that person that boy wanted to marry. And these are people who care, and love you.
I have good friends. I tend to focus on the fact I have no good friends at home, but lose sight of the fact that I have so many good people in my life who want to see me, and have fun with me, and I don't see them because I don't make the effort. I have a good friend in Seattle who I have not seen since December. Its MAY - she only lives 3 hours away - and I havent seen her in 5 months! That is shitty. What is more shitty is that I have a great friend in Idaho - only 2.5 hours away who I have not seen since.....well shit, since last summer. She has lived in her own apartment in Idaho for years now, and I have yet to go see her apartment. Why? Becuase I have become so engulfed in my current life that I have lost focus and sight of the other people I care so deeply about.
Hell, my parents live only 80 miles away, and if I see them once a month, its been a good month.
God it sucks growning up. It sucks having to be responsible, and pay bills, and do the constant shit around the house that always needs to be done. But I wish I had a more pragmatic way of looking at life and realizing that all that crap is trivial. What is more important is keeping in touch with my friends and family, who when I hang out with them so quickly remind me of why I love them so much.
Teresa, I miss you. Katie, I miss you. You are the two people who no matter what, brighten my world. But in that world are jobs, families, and husbands/boyfriends - which if you look at the bigger picture, are the things that are supposed to encompass our lives. The bigger picture shows we are supposed to seek out a mate, procreate, grow families. That bigger pictures often does not include close friends - which sucks. For me, that bigger picture also does not include a sister, whom I so dealy love, but lives too far away to play a significant role in my life. If times are good, I see her once a year, in which we spend a week having the time of our lives, which afterwards I cry as I get on a plane to go home, and continue my life, as I know it, without her. Its ok in the sense that I know being an only child, but when I get to experience having a sister, its like getting a new best friend, all over again.
But I have 2 best friends, who live close enough that I should be able to have good relationships with them. But again, life gets in the way and we find ourselves months in between visits. But once I get to see either of these two girls, its like my soul is revived and I have a new lease on life. Good times, good times.
I guess the bottom line here is that I have good things. Lots of good things and good people in my life and if I don't start making an effort to make those people a more prominanat figure in my life, they will be gone, and that will make me sad. I don't make life long friends everyday. I have live in Tri-Cities over 4 years and are just now starting to make that one good friend. I need to not take for granted the people who are significant in my life. The people who love and accept me for me. Those people are hard to find.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Its a bith-day..
Today was the DH's 34th birthday. Geez 34...for some reason that just sounds so old to me. And I know I am yet one year closer to having him whine louder about having kids. I keep telling him he doesn't have a biological clock, and he still doesn't believe me.
The kid thing is an interesting topic in our house. I shouldn't say interesting, I should say frustrating. And not so much with anything he says to me, but how I feel about it. This is one of the topics that keeps me up at night (for the record, I have a long, long, long standing relationship with insomnia. It started my freshman year of college with a roommate who, because of an inordinate amount of metal in her tongue, snored possibly worse than anyone I have heard, and it has been something I have battled off and on ever since). But anyway, the kid thing keeps me up at night. I don't want them. I won't say I don't want them ever, but I don't want them now, or anywhere in the near future. I know he does not feel the same. The big unanswered question is low long I can hold him off. I just have so much I want to do and see right now and I have no, and I mean no, motherly instincts.
I just found a graduate program I want to enter. Really want to enter. It would be upwards of a three year program and I know I can't hold him off that long. Can I be a mom, hold a job, and go to school? This is why I don't sleep at night.
The bottom line all comes back around to my reason for this blog in the first place. I think one of the main reasons why I don't want to have kids is because I see kids as the end to being able to progress myself. If I have kids then that is the end of me having a better body, a better mind, a better life. Thats a horrible way of looking at it, I know. But thats the weird messed up, selfish side of me.
But at the end of the day it is still just his birthday. I hope it was a fun day for him, as it was kind of a frustrating day for us. There is still time left for this day to end well for both of us, we shall see if this indeed happens.
The kid thing is an interesting topic in our house. I shouldn't say interesting, I should say frustrating. And not so much with anything he says to me, but how I feel about it. This is one of the topics that keeps me up at night (for the record, I have a long, long, long standing relationship with insomnia. It started my freshman year of college with a roommate who, because of an inordinate amount of metal in her tongue, snored possibly worse than anyone I have heard, and it has been something I have battled off and on ever since). But anyway, the kid thing keeps me up at night. I don't want them. I won't say I don't want them ever, but I don't want them now, or anywhere in the near future. I know he does not feel the same. The big unanswered question is low long I can hold him off. I just have so much I want to do and see right now and I have no, and I mean no, motherly instincts.
I just found a graduate program I want to enter. Really want to enter. It would be upwards of a three year program and I know I can't hold him off that long. Can I be a mom, hold a job, and go to school? This is why I don't sleep at night.
The bottom line all comes back around to my reason for this blog in the first place. I think one of the main reasons why I don't want to have kids is because I see kids as the end to being able to progress myself. If I have kids then that is the end of me having a better body, a better mind, a better life. Thats a horrible way of looking at it, I know. But thats the weird messed up, selfish side of me.
But at the end of the day it is still just his birthday. I hope it was a fun day for him, as it was kind of a frustrating day for us. There is still time left for this day to end well for both of us, we shall see if this indeed happens.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
coming down from a complete high...
I have had trouble starting this post because I really want to post a picture from my race on Sunday. Problem is that I can't find the charger for my camera battery and its driving me nuts. I am subject to ordering a replacement on EBAY (ok, seriously Sony, how can you charge over $100 for a charger???)
But on to bigger and better things. The big news is of course my completion of my first half marathon on Sunday. While I feel great about this feat, I am served the reminder that I am indeed not a runner. I need to stop trying to convince myself otherwise. But the race was fun and rainy. I have actually been trying to train for this for quite a few months. Building miles and doing tempo runs - oh yes, I can talk like real runner.
But when it comes down to crunch time, I decide to go ahead and get an obnoxious cold - one that today, over two weeks later, is still with me. So, needless to say my finishing time (2:12) was nothing special, but hey, its a PR!
So - from this comes my internal question as to why I feel the need to do stuff like this. I don't know that I really like running, I don't hate it, but I think I am more hooked on this feeling of completing something. Like if I can run 13.1 miles then I am something special. I'm not - really anyone can go out an run 13.1 miles - its really not that far.
But what next? Will I feel like I am something special if I can complete 26.2 miles? Am I capable of running a marathon? I didn't think i was capable of a half marathon, I didn't think I was capable of a century. But again - why do I need to continually need to see how far I can push myself?
But on to bigger and better things. The big news is of course my completion of my first half marathon on Sunday. While I feel great about this feat, I am served the reminder that I am indeed not a runner. I need to stop trying to convince myself otherwise. But the race was fun and rainy. I have actually been trying to train for this for quite a few months. Building miles and doing tempo runs - oh yes, I can talk like real runner.
But when it comes down to crunch time, I decide to go ahead and get an obnoxious cold - one that today, over two weeks later, is still with me. So, needless to say my finishing time (2:12) was nothing special, but hey, its a PR!
So - from this comes my internal question as to why I feel the need to do stuff like this. I don't know that I really like running, I don't hate it, but I think I am more hooked on this feeling of completing something. Like if I can run 13.1 miles then I am something special. I'm not - really anyone can go out an run 13.1 miles - its really not that far.
But what next? Will I feel like I am something special if I can complete 26.2 miles? Am I capable of running a marathon? I didn't think i was capable of a half marathon, I didn't think I was capable of a century. But again - why do I need to continually need to see how far I can push myself?
Monday, April 7, 2008
So I took a year (or so) off....
Committment has never been one of my strong suits. Its never been a weak suit either, but its been a suit of sorts none the less.
When I started this over a year ago (started, with yes, one post) my intent was to bury my despression in an blog. This blog was not going to be directly linked to me, but rather used as an outlet for my emotions and need to write.
And now, more than a year later, I find I still want to blog, but for different reasons. I want to identify myself because I want to be accountable. Accountable if I don't write, and accountable for what I write. Today I write for different reasons, and for a new purpose.
I believe I have the potential to become something great. I don't know what that great is, but I hope it will be something. If nothing else, this blog will be a project I can work on when all the authors of my favorite blogs decide to quit writing.
So, where to start? I think I will start with redefining where this blog is going to go. This is an overview of my life - my constant struggle with my weight, my struggles in my somewhat still new marriage, my struggles in a new job, and my struggles in accomplishing my greatness.
If I do commit, this blog may turn into an update place for our live events - which may (or may not) include a baby in the future. The status of that depends on who you are talking to - me or my spouse. But then again, this is my blog, so maybe we don't need to hear about the spouses opinion.
When I started this over a year ago (started, with yes, one post) my intent was to bury my despression in an blog. This blog was not going to be directly linked to me, but rather used as an outlet for my emotions and need to write.
And now, more than a year later, I find I still want to blog, but for different reasons. I want to identify myself because I want to be accountable. Accountable if I don't write, and accountable for what I write. Today I write for different reasons, and for a new purpose.
I believe I have the potential to become something great. I don't know what that great is, but I hope it will be something. If nothing else, this blog will be a project I can work on when all the authors of my favorite blogs decide to quit writing.
So, where to start? I think I will start with redefining where this blog is going to go. This is an overview of my life - my constant struggle with my weight, my struggles in my somewhat still new marriage, my struggles in a new job, and my struggles in accomplishing my greatness.
If I do commit, this blog may turn into an update place for our live events - which may (or may not) include a baby in the future. The status of that depends on who you are talking to - me or my spouse. But then again, this is my blog, so maybe we don't need to hear about the spouses opinion.
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